HAPPY NEW YEAR! Announcing upcoming Guest!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!  You survived the holidays! WOO HOO! Another year is staring you down, are you ready for it?

Since I know some of you are still recovering from your jublious (is that a word?) celebrations, we’ll keep this post simple.  However, I have to share: Next week the most awesome KEVIN HEARNE is stopping by.  Yep, you read that right.  Kevin Hearne, the NY Times Best Selling Writer man of The Iron Druid Chronicles, that follows the adventures (or misadventures) of Atticus the Druid and his trusty Irish Wolfhound (and spunky sidekick), Oberon.

So mark you calendars and swing over to join in the fun!

–Wicked

It’s Time for the “G” Word!

It’s that time again, when blogs across the blogosphere tout the joys and agony of setting those “G” words.  Oh yes-GOALS.  The one thing my mom always told me about goal setting was to WRITE IT DOWN.  Something about putting it to paper makes it all too real.  Then when your faced with the evidence, there is no squeaking out of it.

Wait!  Don’t run and hide! I’m way too tired to chase you down!  I swear, no preaching from this choir.  Look, we’ll even review those pesky things I set for 2012.  I’m not sharing the non-writerly ones, oh heck no.  That would be way too depressing.  So focusing on my creativity goals for 2012, we had:

Finish SHADOW’S MOON by end of year.

Status Check:  DONE! Yes, indeed, we finished our first draft just before the holidays! Which means it got shipped off to the other Evil 7 for evisceration. Now I can remind the Prankster Duo and my Knight in Slightly Muddy Armor that, yes, they do have a wife and mom living with them–somewhere!

   Blog every week for both Jami Gray and 7 Evil Dwarves

                           Status Check:   We’re going to call this one good.  I think I may have missed a total of two weeks, but only because I was recovering from the TKO life had decided to lay on me.   DONE!

        Concentrate on getting out in the world of the internets

                           Status Check:  Okay, I am now the proud mama of a website, Facebook page, Facebook Author page, Twitter account, Goodreads account and author page, Amazon author page and I remember running around to various blogs through out the year, trying to come up with entertaining answers to questions or picking juicy tidbits from SHADOW’S EDGE and SHADOW’S SOUL to share.  Done!

Grow enough that writing career can replace job-that-pays-the bills

Status check:  Umm, yeah…still working on that one.  Seems to be a bit harder than anticipated.  Guess it will graduate to the 2013 list.

I’m thinking 3 out of 4, not so bad. 

Want to share how your list looks? Come on, we’d love to celebrate with you!

Mischievous is Coming Home

Greetings and Salutations Minions,

I’ve gotten word from The Three Misfiteers, they are pleased with my progress submitting their story out to literary agents.  They have agreed to set Mischievous free and we have made arrangements for the transfer.  I have the three Mischievous Raven Hoodies they requested ready to go.  For obvious reasons I cannot divulge the when or where the transfer is to take place.  They’ve assured me he is in fine spirits, but added if he doesn’t shut up soon they may have to tape his beak closed again.

Sending out the query letter has already reaped some results, as one very astute Literary Agency has requested the first 50 pages of my manuscript.  Because I am a writer this request had me first doing the dance of joy and then the march of dread, as I roller coaster through what if they don’t like it, what if there is some huge gaff on the first page, what if I’m delusional and they never really asked for it, what if the zombie horde intercepts it to pay me back for kicking them out of the Swamp at Christmas, what they hate the mailman who drops it off at their office, what if…

Sorry, I had to go take a pill.  What ifs aside, I’m combing through the first fifty pages checking for that huge gaff and the small ones too.  I couldn’t do this without the help of the other Evil Seven Dwarves.  (Yes that’s right, in case I failed to mention it with the abduction of MR and all.  Please welcome the newest of the Seven Evil Dwarves, ???Dwarf.  I know what your thinking seven and one make eight, but you would be wrong because we will always remain the Evil Seven, so just live it)  As I was saying I couldn’t do this without them.  So a big thanks as always for their support.

Our latest dwarf  is a wonderful writer with a sense of humor who hasn’t chosen her dwarf name yet.  We’ll have her in for an interview and she can tell you all about herself soon.

In other news around the Swamp.  The annual celebration of George Romero’s birthday is

tomorrow.  That’s right February the Fourth has snuck up me again.  (I haven’t done any shopping yet. I guess I’ll be giving away a lot of Mischievous Raven Wear)  In spite of MR’s abduction, plans for the celebration went on around here as they do every year .  The Three Misfiteers have agreed to have MR home in time for the party.  We’ve opened the gates to the Swamp and allowed some of the shamblers in for the festivities as long as they promise not to eat anyone during the party.  Slice your own Deli is catering the event of course.  And this year The Swamp Shack is setting up a complimentary open bar.  I hope the Muses will behave themselves, but honestly there isn’t much chance of that, especially with an open bar.

The Drop Dead Inn still has rooms available if you want to hang around until tomorrow for the party.  It promises to be better than ever since we’ll be celebrating Mr. Romero’s birthday and MR’s return home.  You really shouldn’t miss it.  Troll Security has been contracted to keep a lid on things, so bring some riddles with you in case you find yourself in scrape.

I’ve got to go.  It’s time to bring Mischievous home.  I’ll see you all next week in the interim I’ll leave with these words again this is from The Three Misfiteers, this is another one of Frank’s fortunes from the chinese restaurant.

“To know another is not to know his face, but to know his heart.”

Write On,

Eerie

T’was the Night Before the Zombie Apocalypse

Seasons Greetings to all of my minions,

As you can see we have rid ourselves of the local zombie infestation and replaced the decorations with more traditional bunting.  Of course the zombie population is ever-increasing everywhere else.  The muses are patrolling our borders for now.  There’s talk of a fence to keep them out, but that’s preliminary.

 I hope you’re ready for the big day.  If not, stop worrying about it, there’s always next year.  As Christmas quickly approaches, all the old traditions are getting dusted off and paraded out.  It is a season of giving, when music and stories abound.  In light of our current situation with undead strolling through the malls and caroling in our streets.  I thought I would give this old standby an update.  I hope you enjoy it.

T’was the night before Christmas when all through our shelter,

Not a creature was stirring, not even the smelter.

The mac-tens were hung by the chimney with care,

For the undead horde that would soon be there.

The guard dogs were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of raw meat danced in their heads.

Mom and her uzi and I with my launcher,

Had just settled down to plan for the slaughter.

When out on the lawn there arose such a racket,

I leaped from the bunker and put my jacket.

Grabbing my Kevlar I flew like a flash,

Turned on the search lights looking aghast.

The lights on the breast of the new fallen dead,

Gave luster of midday to zombies in red.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight zombie reindeer.

The driver was quick, his head wrapped in gauze,

I knew in a snap it was Zombie Clause.

More rapid than missiles his coursers they came,

He grunted and slobbered, and called them by name.

“Now, Femur! Now, Sacrum! now, Kidney! and Bicep,

On, Liver! On, Stomach! On, Colon and Tricep.

To the top of the porch and over barbed wire!

Now dash away! Dash away! Far from the fire!”

Above all the landmines and away from the moat,

They went higher and higher like some flying boat.

So up to the lookout the reindeer they flew,

With a sleigh full of entrails, and Zombie Clause, too.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof,

The prancing and pawing of each rotting hoof.

I switched off the safety and pulled back the hammer,

Down the chimney came Zombie Clause with quite a clamor.

He was dressed all in fur from head to the floor,

And his clothes were all bloody and splattered with gore.

A bundle of severed limbs on his back,

He sat himself down to have a late snack.

His eyes—they were sunken, his flesh was so pale,

His nose was held on with a bright shiny nail.

The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,

As I pulled my new sword clear of its sheath.

He was rotten and putrid but looked quite surprised,

As I sliced off his arm and poked out his eyes.

He ran to the chimney forgetting his snack,

So I picked up my shotgun and gave him a whack.

Sticking a finger far up his nose,

Giving a nod up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the led from my pistol.

I heard Zombie moan, as he flew through the night,

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good bite.

To You and Yours,

Have a Scary Christmas and a Happy Ghoul Year

Eerie,  Mischievous and the whole crowd at the swamp

Holiday Merriment with the 7 Evil Dwarves

Once again the 7 Evil Dwarves gathered around the Swamp Gas Fire and exchanged annual gifts of merriment.  Not only is it the one time of the year we cut Smokey a break and bring in our own nourishment, but we also drag along significant others.  Since the Prankster Duo was busy gutting bits of wire and plastic with other miniature humans, my knight in slightly muddy armor and I loaded up with essentials and headed out to trek on over to Smokey’s place.

Me-”Did you get the pies?”

Him-”Yeah. You didn’t have to make them did you?”

Me *snort*- “Please, if the other six wanted to experience a near death experience they’d go taunt Eerie’s Zombies.  I picked those up from Knaves’ End.”

Him *looking very relieved*–”Great.”

We added a couple of new cold steel blades to our outfits, grab the gaily wrapped gifts, leave the hellhound half a boar and some water, set the perimeter defenses and headed down the road. We passed Sunny’s place where a veil of mist swirled in a thick mass.  Poor Sunny, we’ve been trying to get supplies through, but the black hole of chaos is holding her under siege.  We’re going to have to send in a search and rescue team soon and drag her back out.

The cackling of Mischievous’ laughter rings out from above while the moans and shrieks of the Swamp Thing trail behind him.  I can’t quite make out what he has clutched in his talons, but it’s shiny.  One day, the Swamp Thing is going to use him as her Thanksgiving centerpiece.

We pass by the Filet Your Own Deli where my Muse is enjoying her time off and playing a game with the white haired guy sporting a tool belt.  I can see the flash of blades in-between the smack of cards being slapped upside foreheads.  There’s a hungry, evil smile gracing her pale face that sends shivers down my spine, but the old guy just bares his teeth, takes a swig from the old flask at his side and flicks another battered card on the scarred table.  I shake my head as we continue on.

The snap of leather snaking through the air sends me into an instinctive crouch.  Belatedly, I realize that Snarky is just testing out her new bullwhip.  Grumbling softly, I straighten and get a good look at her newest accessory.  Purple…niiiicceee.  I might have to find out where she got that one.

Snarky *checking out the pies in knight in slightly muddy armor arms*–”That better be chocolate.”

Me-”As if there’s any other kind.”

Snarky *narrowing eyes*- “You have two?”

Me – “Nah, offering second option for those of us who OD on sugar today. Sugar Free Apple.”

Snarky *waving a dismissive hand*–”I’ll stick with chocolate.”  A sharp squeal comes from inside her house, and the smile that appears is the same one I’ve seen right before she hands me back my drafts dripping in red. “I need to go check on the ham. See you soon!”

A little further down the road, we pull up short as we watch Eerie fighting over a bottle of Werewolf Hunter’s Moon red with a fairly persistent pair of Zombie twins.

Eerie–”Let go you brainless lump of flesh! Even if your brain was working you couldn’t appreciate this vintage.”

It’s entertaining watching the on-going struggle between my short friend and the Brainless Wonder Duo.  The scuff of boots against gravel announce the arrival of Quirky, Jedi and her other half.

Quirky–”Who’s winning?”

Me-”Not sure yet.”

Jedi-”I’ll put ten on the twins.”

Quirky-”You’re on.”

Me *thinking about the last time Eerie got cornered by the horde*–”I think I’ll just watch.”

Eerie–”A little help here!”

Knight in slightly muddy armor–”I don’t know, this is kind of fun to watch.”

Before anyone else can move, a black feather dive bomber manages to distract Twin 1 by introducing talons to eyeballs.  I grimace.  Those stains are never going to come out.

Me-”Have you considered enrolling your horde in Zombie training courses, Eerie?”

Eerie-”What are they going to teach them? They already know drop dead, gnaw and claw.”

I take the pies from my knight–”We’re going to be late.  Go help.”

He takes out his shiny new sword and cuts the legs out from under Twin 2. Literally.

Eerie stumbles back and cradles his bottle carefully. Smoothing down one of many flyway strands of hair, he’s all dignity.  “Thank you.”

We make it to Smokey’s door without further incidents and his lovely Italian counterpart welcomes us into their home.  The next few hours pass in a blissful haze of food, friends and laughter.  Gifts are exchanged, stories are shared and barbs are traded.

Remember during this busy season–this is what makes the holidays–laughter, love and friendship.

Treasure yours as I do mine!

Merry Holidays everyone!

Wicked

Welcome Back to the Swamp

Greetings and Salutations,

We are gathered around the cypress tree awaiting the traditional lighting of the swamp Christmas Cyprus.  The Swamp hasn’t looked this festive since the celebration of George Romero’s birthday last year.  Of course that was the beginning of the end of the Swamp Things addiction To swamp gas.  Not long after that party we had the intervention and she went off to the rehab.  I must say we’re very proud of her.  Mischievous Raven was given the honor of throwing the switch this year.  I hope his mischievous nature behaves tonight.  That’s a lot to hope I know.  Here he comes now.

“Happy holidays everyone, I am very happy the committee finally came to its senses and made me this years Master Of Cemeteries, I mean Ceremonies.  The zombie choir will sing some carols and the wassailing will commence after I throw the switch.  Thank you once again for the honor.  So without further a due.”

Ooh ahh, the tree is splendid and–what’s this, the traditional angel top has been replaced with a holographic Raven.  Oh my, I’m not sure how that’s going to go over.  Let’s grab some punch before the line gets to long.

“What do you think, Eerie?  Pretty nice huh.”  Mischievous points to the new tree topper.

I, I’m speechless.  It certainly is different from our angel.

“Speechless good or speechless bad?”

It’s very nice, but we are not celebrating your birth you know.  We have a day for that already and it’s always a great party.

“Yeah, but we don’t have a tree with lights and all for my birthday.”

Mischievous, it’s not about you.  This is about the birth of our Savior.

“Yeah, but I had it specially made.”

Mischievous?

“Can I leave it for tonight I’ll change…”

What do you think?

“I get off right away.  I catch up to at the punch bowl.”

He means well, he needs a little guidance from time to time, like we all do.

The walking dead decorating committee did a fine job although the materials they used are a little gruesome when you look closely.  They said all the decorations were green this year meaning they are all natural.  Now I see what they meant when they said taking them down will be a snap.  Or did they say snack.  The entrails wreath is especially grotesque when you get too close.  From afar it’s very colorful.  that’s just not right an undead nativity.

I hate to be the one to point this out, but we seem to be missing the true meaning of Christmas.  I’m heading down to A to Z Ammo.  I think it’s time to thin the zombie herd around here.  A few less shamblers is all I want for Christmas.  I know just where to get the help I need.

“Hey Eerie, the angel is back are we good now?”

Yes that’s very nice Mischievous, now let’s head over to the Slice Your Own Deli.

“What for?”

We’re going to send some these undead on to the promised land, but first I’m calling in the muses.

“You know the muses hate zombies, they’ll jump at the chance too…  I see where you’re going with this now.  You know they won’t leave one foot dragger standing.”

I’m counting on it.  They’ve ruined Christmas with their rotting decorations and new lyrics to all my favorite Christmas songs.  Have Yourself a Medulla Oblongata.  I telling you they’ve gone too far.

“You think your muse will give us a ride in the armored Hummer?”

I’ll ask him.  Let’s get going.

As for the rest of you, I’d make myself scarce. The muses are deadly when they get excited, but not all that particular as to whose head they’re chopping off.  Clear out and I’ll meet you back here next week.  We can survey the carnage then.

This week our quote comes from Robert Southey.

“By writing much, one learns to write well.”

Write On,

Eerie

Book Faery Blog and Kindle Fire Giveaway!

Thanksgiving was a blast, but now that I’m full and lazy, it’s time for a really short post!  Next week we’ll go back to the craziness that is this blog, until then…

You have to go check out the last guest blog post I did for this year.  Yeah, yeah, I know, there’ve been lots, but this one is really cool and you have to go see it.  Plus you may even get a free copy of Shadow’s Edge.  See? It’s a wonderful thing right before the holidays!

Now here’s the link to the Book Faery Reviews:  http://tbfreviews.net.  So go have a fun week and check it out!

Plus, if you’re itching for a new Kindle Fire, go over to the left and click on the Kindle giveaway.  Go on, it won’t bite.  Click on it, fill out the info and we’ll all cross our fingers!  It ends soon so hurry up! Entries are only excepted until December 15th and trust me, that’s right around the corner.

Until next week folks…

Happy Thanksgiving…7ED Style

It’s the time of year when everyone does the Why I am Thankful blogs, so I thought I’d join along in my own unique way.

Here in the Swamp there are many things to be thankful for this year.  Let’s begin, shall we?

I am thankful for…

…the Prankster Duo.  Who else in my life would make me consider the deep, dark mysteries of the world  with  such scintillating conversation gambits such as:

                “Mom, can I borrow Siri for a second?”
“Umm..sure…why?”

“I need to look up a word.”

“What word?”

“Fart.”

Startled silence… “Why?”

“My friend said he did and it was ‘an explosive sensation from between his legs’.”

I try really hard not to hit my brakes and cause a five car pile-up as I try to find air to drag into my lungs.  My precious 9 year old…oh dear…. “Um, honey, perhaps you should think of another definition.”

“Why?”

Right, how to answer this one without him thinking his mother is a pervert…oh wait…. “Okay, because that definition could be interpreted in a way you would find really gross.  How about  ‘explosive flatulence’?

“Hmm…okay…should I ask why it would gross me out?”

“It has to do with boys and girls…”
“Okay enough said, I’ll stick with ‘explosive flatulence’.”

…my knight-in-slightly-muddy-armor who has stayed beside me while Eerie’s Zombie’s have trashed our yard and the hellhound has seeded the same yard with many landmines.  Not only has he braved that terror, but he has successfully save many an electronic devices from being tested for aerodynamic properties when they refuse to cooperate with me.  Considering how often that temptation occurs, he’s my hero, because recovering drafts from broken pieces of plastic and wires is really hard!

…my hellhound, without whom my floors would not hold themselves down, but float away into oblivion.  Only he could figure out the strategic points that will keep them grounded and still manage to be where ever I have to walk.

…Starbucks and the lovely baristas, because they have saved many an unsuspecting person from violent death while supplying me with my needed caffeine fix that makes sure all my edged accessories stay sheathed!

…Snarky and her bloody whip.  Let’s be honest, without the combo of the two there’s no way I would have dredged up enough courage and armor to brave the pit of submission hell and finally, FINALLY got a contract!

…Eerie, Mischievous Raven and the herd of corpses that tend to trample my lawn.  Not only has he obtained some seriously good wine from the Werewolf monks, but he shines forth humor in the darkest moments and that is truly priceless.

…Quirky for reminding me why cynicism is not always the best thing to use for protection.  His ability to strip down situations to bare bones makes him invaluable to the Evil 7.  Beside it’s fun to watch him squirm!

…Smokey and his fabulous recipes.  However, I’m still not to sure about the octopus and whatever that was that one time in the Swamp where he and Eerie got together.  Strange, but if you don’t tell me what it is, I won’t think about it! It’s nice to know that even if you can’t pronounce character names, you can cook!

…Jedi and her bravery.  I mean, really, think about it.  How brave would you be to walk into a steamy Swamp filled with gods-only-know-who, talk to the short. stumpy guy with the beady eyed raven trying to pry a zombie arm from the Swamp Thing while the Prankster Duo goes screaming by with some weird contraption spitting flame, while Snarky tries to hold back the horde parked outside her porch with a 12 foot whip?  Really, our neighborhood doesn’t need a watch, more like napalm.  We’re glad you survived the welcoming committee and decided to stay!

…BFF, Ang, because who else would dare take me to a move about a sparkling vampire who hatches kids from eggs and an alpha wolf that doesn’t kill for leadership and can’t pronounce his someday mate’s name, and then let me go Science Mystery Theater on it for two hours.  She even held back the prepubescent horde armed with lip-gloss and sparkle and their mothers from trampling me under their keds.  Only a BFF like that can be trusted at your back.

…to all of you for taking the time to follow along, even when the insanity that lives inside me spews outward!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Something’s a Foot

Friday, October 28, the entire swamp is alive with the prospect of All Hallows Eve.  The Zombies are chomping at the–well everything to be honest.  I head over to that expensive department store, Maelstrom’s for a costume. All I see are zombies, zombie banker, or zombie nurse, or zombie nun.  They even had zombie used car salesman, which honestly wasn’t much of a costume at all.  So I say, “Don’t you have anything besides zombies?”

“Sorry sir, but zombies are the in thing this year.”  She says in this perky little voice that makes me wish I’d asked Swamp Thing to come shopping with me.

“Tell me about it.  They’re my life.  You should see the swamp, it’s littered with half eaten corpses.”

“Excuse me!” she gasps.

“Nevermind.  I’m looking for something really scary.  Don’t you have something in a McDonalds fry boy or a Wal-Mart greeter.”

“Sorry.  Have you tried Saps Fifth Avenue?”  I heard they have a Personal Injury Attorney costume that is to die for.”

“That sounds scary, on so many levels.”  I thank her for her help and leave her perkiness and head over to Saps.  Of course they don’t have the Personal Injury Attorney in my size.

“You should try the children’s section sir.  I mean your ahh, kind of, not so tall.”  The sales woman sniffs adjusting her jewel encrusted glasses so she can look down her beak-like nose at me.

“I beg your pardon.  I’m actually fairly average for a dwarf I’ll have you know.”  I continued to berate her until I noticed a group of large, uniformed men with weapons arriving on Segways.  ”Thank you very much.  I’ll just be on my way now.”  

What happened to the good old days when you paid a decent witch for a temporary spell for All Hallows Eve.  She could turn you into a handsome prince, or king of the realm, for the night.  Even an enchanted frog if your funding was lacking.  No two costumes were alike back then.  These days everybody wants the store-bought costume that looks like every other one.  Of course on the down side, you had to watch out for the occasional enchanted candied apple.  Remember what happened to Sleeping Beauty.  

Still without a costume, I’m off the Sal Manella’s Sweet Shop.  Sal carries all the best treats for All Hallows Eve.  His selection of hand dipped fungi is legendary, not to mention the Chocolate Covered Squirrel Nuts.  What they lack in size they make up for in taste.  Sal can even provide you with one of the afore-mentioned apples on request.  Of course you have order them way in advance.  Just ask for the mother-in-law special.

Arriving at Sal’s I see the line is out the door.  Everyone is talking about the fried bat wings.  He has Barbed-a-cue, Sea Salt and Stinger, Sour Creme and Bunyan and Fromunda Cheese,  just to name a few of the flavors.

My favorite treats are the E-Coli Carmels.  He also has S&Ms and Feces Pieces in every color.  They’ve called my number, I’ve got to go.  So enjoy the holiday.  Until next week.

“My candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open…”

Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

“Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble.”

Shakespeare, Macbeth

“As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today…Oh, how I wish he’d go away.”

Anonymous

Happy All Hallows Eve

Write On,

Eerie

The Greatest Holiday Ever….

Halloween is around the corner and this month zipped by in spectacularly fast fashion.  With little time to spare, I wrangled the Prankster Duo, via a Venus Fly Trap snare, made them leave the head of one of Eerie’s zombies at home, and off we went to shop for costumes.   As we emerged from the Swamp, the youngest pointed out the new signs wallpapering the Impenetrable Forest.  Seems they’re in the midst of working on another deadly…I mean lovely, maze for this year’s celebration.

So we’re at the Aberzombie & Witch when my oldest informs me in funeral tones that this will be his last year of trick-or-treating.

Shocked, all I could manage was a garbled, “Uh?”

Ignoring my eloquence, he continued, “My friends and I discussed this, and this is it for us.”

“You make it sound like your impending demise looms upon the horizon, child. It’s Halloween!”

I never thought I’d get such a look from the fruit of my loins. (Loins, Eerie, not Looms!)  From the Whipmistress?  Hell yeah.  Him? Not so much.  “I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

Really? Okay, Mr. Daddy Long Legs…let’s think about this for a second.  You’re a boy, a sweet one occasionally, but a pre-teen boy.  Embarrassment is soon to be a way of life for you.  My poor baby.

He added, “Besides, we’ll be in Junior High.”

Ahhh! I get it.  As we leave the familiar halls of elementary school behind and begin to prepare for the hallowed journey to middle school, suddenly “coolness” factors into every decision.  Then it’s on to those oh-so-torturous years of high school.

“Okay then.  But you do realize that mom had no problem donning a wig, goth make-up and heeled boots for her writer’s conference a couple years back.  Remember that?”

He does a damn good eye roll, “Yeah, mom, but you’re…a writer, you’re suppose to be crazy.”

See! My son is brilliant! As I glide through the pride of my son’s keen intellect, my youngest cuts in.  “Mom, they don’t have any Minecraft pig costumes.”

Looking over the selection, I notice he’s absolutely correct.  Nary a piece of bacon in sight.  Unless you count the strangely compelling anatomically correct adult version hanging in the corner.  I gently steer his young, impressionable mind elsewhere.  “Okay, then, what’s your back-up plan?”

“Hmmm….” he studies the offerings with the seriousness of a heart surgeon.  A few minutes later and a decision is made.  I head to the counter, lay out the cash and we’re homeward bound.

Later that night as my knight-in-slightly-muddy armor starts to work on his daily shine-fest, the Duo drag out their costumes.

“Look, Dad? Like the whip?”  For a kid who doesn’t want to trick-or-treat, my oldest hides his excitement fairly well.

“Nice, son,” my  knight checks the workmanship.  “So, Indiana Jones, uh?”

“Yeah, no mask required.”

They’re interrupted as my youngest taps my knight on his shoulder.  “Check it out, Dad!”  The voice is a little muffled behind the mask, but it gets a smile from my knight.

“Niccceeee…I see we stuck with our old stand-by, Star Wars!”

“Yeah, no Minecraft pigs.” Disappointment has our ARF Stormtrooper’s shoulder sagging. But only for a moment.  “But it’s okay, this one has wickedly cool camo!”

As the Duo dart off to harangue the hell-hound, my knight turns to me.  “Does he realize the camo is for snow covered landscapes?”

“Yep, but it’s camo and you know as well as I do, any camo is good camo, as far as he’s concerned.”  From outside our well barricaded cabin, we hear another zombie cage-fight match start up.  I sure wish the Swamp Thing would leave them alone. I double check the locks on the door and make sure the flamethrowers are set.  “Besides, does it matter? It’s Halloween, and isn’t one of the best parts being able to dress up however we want?”

–Wicked