Seasons Greetings to all of my minions,
As you can see we have rid ourselves of the local zombie infestation and replaced the decorations with more traditional bunting. Of course the zombie population is ever-increasing everywhere else. The muses are patrolling our borders for now. There’s talk of a fence to keep them out, but that’s preliminary.
I hope you’re ready for the big day. If not, stop worrying about it, there’s always next year. As Christmas quickly approaches, all the old traditions are getting dusted off and paraded out. It is a season of giving, when music and stories abound. In light of our current situation with undead strolling through the malls and caroling in our streets. I thought I would give this old standby an update. I hope you enjoy it.
T’was the night before Christmas when all through our shelter,
Not a creature was stirring, not even the smelter.
The mac-tens were hung by the chimney with care,
For the undead horde that would soon be there.
The guard dogs were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of raw meat danced in their heads.
Mom and her uzi and I with my launcher,
Had just settled down to plan for the slaughter.
When out on the lawn there arose such a racket,
I leaped from the bunker and put my jacket.
Grabbing my Kevlar I flew like a flash,
Turned on the search lights looking aghast.
The lights on the breast of the new fallen dead,
Gave luster of midday to zombies in red.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight zombie reindeer.
The driver was quick, his head wrapped in gauze,
I knew in a snap it was Zombie Clause.
More rapid than missiles his coursers they came,
He grunted and slobbered, and called them by name.
“Now, Femur! Now, Sacrum! now, Kidney! and Bicep,
On, Liver! On, Stomach! On, Colon and Tricep.
To the top of the porch and over barbed wire!
Now dash away! Dash away! Far from the fire!”
Above all the landmines and away from the moat,
They went higher and higher like some flying boat.
So up to the lookout the reindeer they flew,
With a sleigh full of entrails, and Zombie Clause, too.
And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each rotting hoof.
I switched off the safety and pulled back the hammer,
Down the chimney came Zombie Clause with quite a clamor.
He was dressed all in fur from head to the floor,
And his clothes were all bloody and splattered with gore.
A bundle of severed limbs on his back,
He sat himself down to have a late snack.
His eyes—they were sunken, his flesh was so pale,
His nose was held on with a bright shiny nail.
The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,
As I pulled my new sword clear of its sheath.
He was rotten and putrid but looked quite surprised,
As I sliced off his arm and poked out his eyes.
He ran to the chimney forgetting his snack,
So I picked up my shotgun and gave him a whack.
Sticking a finger far up his nose,
Giving a nod up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the led from my pistol.
I heard Zombie moan, as he flew through the night,
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good bite.
To You and Yours,
Have a Scary Christmas and a Happy Ghoul Year
Eerie, Mischievous and the whole crowd at the swamp