WORD CHOICES, Humdrum or Imaginative?

Greetings and Salutations loyal readers of the blog,

Troll Mountain

Troll Mountain

Sorry about missing our appointment last week I was called away.  It seems the Trolls are experiencing unusually cold weather on the mountain and are migrating south. The problem is The Swamp lies due south of Troll Mountain and once they cross the bridge there is nothing to keep them away from here.  The Muses called me in to see if I could help.  I fired off some riddles shivered and whined a lot.  I wasn’t much help until I got sick.  The coup de grace came when and I threw-up all over the Trolls feet.  Nothing like a little projectile vomiting to turn unwanted company away from your door.

I’m so happy we got that out of the way.  Today let’s talk a little about writing.  Writing is often about word choices.  The proper word choice can often turn the mundane into something entertaining.  It can’t do the impossible and make said mundane, exciting, but a unique word choice can keep the reader turning pages until the blood-letting begins.   I have an example:  Before I begin, everyone knows how to make a cup of with a tea bag, correct.  You fling a the bag into a cup, making sure not to lose the attached string, slop in an appropriate amount of scalding water, wait until it turns the color of bourbon and gulp it down.  What follows is from a tea package I tore open when I was sick last week.

Entice fresh water to a boil and pour over a sachet of Ruby Chai.  Steep four to six minutes.  Sip and revel in this herbal’s warm and spicy rendezvous.”  (quoted from Numi Ruby Chai tea)

So when you entice water to boil do you have to coax it?  ”Come on water, you can do it.”  I’m kidding, point is while entice is not the first word that comes to mind when setting a kettle to boil, it is an interesting word choice.  It kept me reading the directions even though I know how to make a cup of tea.  Sachet is such a classy word for the little sack of tea dangling from a string, so even in my sickened state, I pushed on.  Revel, now this something we all do too little of.  I reveled at taking out the trash last night. (bad example, how about) Completing the edits in my chapter I reveled at a job well done.  (a little better)  And then closing out with rendezvous, I mean when was the last time you reveled with a mustard hot-dog’s smokey and spicy epicurean rendezvous.

You see word choice can make all the difference if you’re trying to entertain your reader.  It is the little things that take the unremarkable to an extraordinary  echelon.  So the next time you’re describing a character in the cold think about it.  How cold is it?  Is it chilly or frigid? Nippy or raw?  Cool or biting, bone-chilling, arctic, freezing.  You get the picture.  (just a reminder, one adjective should be enough)

So when it comes time to choose your words make an effort, don’t go on autopilot, engage your brain and choose carefully.  When you do, your reader will stay engaged and not go on autopilot either.

As writers we do what we do because we love it and we can’t not do it.  And when we’re done we want others to enjoy our work.  With that in mind, todays quote comes from C.S.Lewis. 

“Our joy is not complete until we share it.” 

Write On,

Eerie

Ripping Apart Your Story…

It’s been a busy holiday here at the Swamp.  I did manage to finish my first draft of Shadow’s Moon, wrangled some interviews with really cool peeps (check out the Guest Post tab), clean out the pits known as the Prankster Duo’s rooms, and took a small breather from the job that pays the bills.  Now  as I wait to finalize guest post dates and prepare for the Bloggers Book Fair in February, I’m reading back through Shadow’s Moon and utilizing my red ink scalpel to finesse my creation before sending it out into the big, bad publishing world.  Currently I’m hiding out in my office of solitude, now graced with a gorgeous shiny 27 inch Apple, while Nerf bullets fly throughout our humble shack.  Knight in Slight Muddy Armor is holed up reveling in the adventures of a high school teacher who chooses to engage in a “questionable” job opportunity.  Even the  Garden Gnomes are hiding in their garden from the heated exchange of foam bullets wielded by five preteen males. Ah, yes, the year is off to a rousing start!

I’ve been asked a few time what my editing process is–the simplest answer: BRUTAL.  It never fails, I finish a story, type END and then feel like a limp dishrag.  I set it aside for a couple of weeks while I recover my strength and confidence.  I’m not sure about every writer out there, but I know that once I finish a story I’m suddenly plagued by insecurities.  Will anyone really like this story? Are my characters deep enough, real enough for readers to connect to? Does my plot resemble a colander, leaking story elements into the ether? Did I add extra arms/legs/body parts where they weren’t needed? The worries are endless and tend to get stuck on a mental loop that make that blindly bright white jacket with buckles look oh so inviting.

When I finally come back to the story, I sit down and read it from beginning to end, armed with my red ink scalpel and begin to answer all of those questions.  Add here. Slash there. Rewrite there because there’s no way in hell that character would EVER say that.  For almost two solid weeks I’ll immerse myself in the story, smoothing the edges, filling the holes until it shines.  Then I send it out.  Once my editor gets ahold of it, she sends it through at least three more brutal rounds in the editing ring.  Bloody and beaten, it will triumph, in the end unbowed but oh so much stronger than when it stepped into the ring.  I honestly don’t think a writer ever feels like a story is ever “perfect”.  Even if it’s out there, being consumed by readers, I know that if I sat down to read Shadow’s Edge or Shadow’s Soul now, I would change things.  Not that they need it, but because writers are constantly honing their skills.  That’s why you shouldn’t go back to what’s out there, but put those skills to work in what’s ahead or currently in front of you.

Snarky shared this awesome post this week with me.  It’s from one of my favorite writers, Chuck Wendig and his Terrible Minds blog.  When you have the time, check it out. It’s worth reading.  In the meantime, I’ll leave you with a quote from his post: How Chuck Wendig Edits a Novel:

“Writing is when we make words.  Editing is when we make the words not shitty.”

Until next week!

–Wicked

WHERE DO WRITERS GET INSPIRATION?

Greetings and Salutations loyal blog readers,

This week we’re going to talk about the creative aspect of writing.  But first let me catch you up on the happenings around the Swamp.  I’ve been very busy with my free range organic zombie business.  Since Zombies are in big demand for films and scientific study I’m doing well in that part of my life.  It pays the bills.  Sadly my writing has dropped off because there aren’t enough hours in the day.  Just last week I filled an order for three thousands units for the new season of The Walking Dead.

I put Mischievous Raven in charge of marketing for Blue Moon Zombies, so he’s been traveling about getting orders.  I have to say his gift for talking has finally found its niche.  I will have to talk to him about his expense account when he returns however.

Miss G. Anna Conda sent us a post card from Brazil where she is currently starring in a documentary about the worlds deadliest snakes.  I think Anna likes the attention, but she too complained of not having any time to pursue her first love, which is painting for her. 

The leeches are boycotting because of our so-called political incorrectness and the use of clichés like “That guy is a blood sucking leech.”  They claim the media treats them badly.  And they  want the word parasite removed from the dictionary.  I mean really, what’s next.

Well let’s move on to our topic.  Where do those ideas come from?  I’m going to start with an excerpt from a short story called Everything’s Eventual by Stephen King.

“…creative people aren’t always in charge.  And when they do their best work, they’re hardly ever in charge.  They’re just sort of rolling along with their eyes shut, yelling Wheeee.”

That is the perfect explanation of how my stories get written.  And it doesn’t take long for horrific things to start happening.  But every story needs a place to start.  A seed to germinate in the writer’s mind.  For me that could be an image, a photo or a drawing.  Sometimes it’s a news story from which I draw out the smallest of threads.

I heard about a trans-continental train getting stranded in the Canadian Rockies.  That was the only fact I heard, and from that I put together an idea for a novel that I haven’t yet started working on.  This minuscule fact could lead in so many different directions.  The possibilities are infinite.  If ten people started to write a story from this kernel it could be a man against the elements, it could be a terrorist thriller, or a romance, a werewolf story, or even a romantic werwolf story.  Unrequited love and all that.

The point here is this.  Ideas are floating around at your fingertips every moment of everyday, and if you’re a writer, all you have to do is grasp one and plant it in your brain.  Ideas are mundane in the wrong hands.  Two non writers talking: 1st guy “Hey,did you here about the train that was stuck in the Canadian Rockies?” 2nd guy “Yeah, I wonder if they ran out of Champagne.”  They chuckle and move on.

It is the job of the writer to turn that into something interesting or horrific.  If like me that’s where your mind tends to go.  In a creative writing class we were given a random page from a magazine and twenty minutes to write a story based on the image.  To my surprise the room filled with groans.  I had a photo of a mid teens boy and girl.  It was probably selling the clothes they were wearing.  I wrote a story of siblings forced to pose for a photo while their separate  groups of friends looked on.

Dictionary definition of Writing: the activity or skill of making coherent words on paper and composing text:  

It is so much more than that.  Writing gives me the freedom to take my characters anywhere and everywhere.  To place them in impossible situations, and let them crack jokes about it after they find a way out.  The idea is the seed.  Characters grow the seed, they water it, prune it, stomp it into the ground and nurture back to life.  Living breathing characters take your mundane idea and scare the wax right out of your ears.  (No Q-tips required).

Since we are on a roll here, next Friday we’ll talk about characters and maybe the Horror genre.  Today I’ll leave you with an excerpt from a poem by Charles Bukowski.

SO YOU WANT TO BE A WRITER

if it doesn’t come bursting out of you

in spite of everything,

don’t do it.

unless it comes unasked out of your mouth

and your gut,

don’t do it.

Until next week, Write On,

Eerie Dwarf

Perfection is so hard to acheive…

The other day our highly intelligent and quite demanding Snarky Dwarf sent me a link to a blog post. 

http://kriswrites.com/2012/06/27/the-business-rusch-perfection/

Here’s the thing, this post was just what I needed to read at this particular moment. With two books out there, and working on a third, I’m starting to recognize that there are a couple of stages in the writing game every writer goes through.  The first one comes after you begin to fall from that high of being published and seeing your first work out there–all alone in the big bad world of readers, where it can be raised up and kicked down faster than lightning.  You try not to get obsessive about the reviews, feedback and those pesky things known as ratings, but those little voices manage to wiggle their way in and tear bits and pieces off of your creativity.  Together those small things gain strength, and so the debilitating question looms on your writing horizon—can I really manage to write another book?

Answer: Hell, yeah you can.  You’re a writer, stop worrying about what’s being said out there.  You’re out there. Readers are reading you. You have to be doing something right. So in a truly horribly NY/Bronx accent “Forget about it!” and write your story.  Take the things you’ve learned with your first book, do them better or fix them in your second.

Once I made it through and got the second book done, it was time to tackle the third.  This was hard because I was leaving behind the familiarity of Raine and Gavin to focus on another character, Xander.  Granted she has some of the same things that makes Raine, well Raine, but she uniquely herself.  It took me longer than expected to get Xander and Warrick’s story off the ground.  Now that I’m about 100 pages in, it’s starting to come together…bit by bit. 

Yet while I’m crafting this story, I’m still getting feedback on Shadow’s Edge and Shadow’s Soul.  I know you’ll never please all your readers all of the time, but it is so easy to fall into the downward spiral of  “OMG, I need to change this…” or “Maybe I should do this instead…” Second guessing ourselves is not productive, not even a little bit.

Reading Kris’s post as she discusses when is your book truly done…I so needed to hear her when she said,

“I’m here to tell you this: If you want a career as a writer, ignore your critics.

When the book is finished, when the book is published for heaven’s sake, then it’s done. Irrevocably done. Mistakes and all.”

So now, I make it a point not to obsess over rankings or critiques–readers will either love it or hate it, it’s out there, I’m not changing it.  For now, all I can do as a writer, is take what I’ve learned, and use it for Shadow’s Moon.  And the mistakes I make in that story, I’ll just use those to make the next one even better. 

I’m a writer, but I won’t be much of one if I don’t learn and grow from my screw-ups.  Besides, who knows, maybe one of those screw-ups will turn into a flash of genius!

Something’s Amiss

Greetings and Salutations once again loyal blog readers,

We are coming to you live from The Swamp.  Mischievous Raven and I are making the rounds today to check on our friends and neighbors.

“Where should we go first MR?”

MR       “Let’s sneak up, I mean check up on C.Rock Adile.  Might as well get the worst out of the way early.”

Eerie    ”I know he’s a bit of a pill, but things won’t change if don’t try to get along with him.  There he is.  Be nice.  Hey CR, how are you today?”

CR        ”Eerie, Mischievous, it’s good to see you both.  Mischievous here, was telling me you were visiting with the Werewolf Monks, trying to get some writing done.”

Eerie    ”Yeah I’ve been at the Monastery for the last few weeks.”

CR         “Mischievous was taking fine care of your place in your absence.  He is quite an asset to our community.”

Eerie    ”Really.  That is high praise indeed coming from you CR.”

CR        ”Not at all.  We’ve had our differences in the past , but that’s all over.  Right little buddy?”  CR puts an arm around Mischievous and gives him a man hug.

Eerie    ”Your awfully quiet.”  Looking at MR

MR      ”I’m speechless.”

CR       Laughing.  ”Well that’s a first my onyx friend.”

Eerie    ”Yes quite.  I’ve heard The Swamp Thing has planted a flower garden so we’re heading over to see how she is getting on with that.”

CR       “You must see it to believe it.  It rivals Dreamy Dwarf’s place.  Off with you then.  Stop by later, I’m brewing sun tea.”

Eerie    ”That was odd.”

MR        ”Your telling me.  He’s done nothing, but give me grief the whole time you were gone.”

Eerie       “Holy salamanders.  Look at all those flowers!  It’s a virtual  tsunami of color.”

MR           “Here she comes.  Keep your voice down.”

Eerie         “What a lovely garden Swamp Thing.  You must have a green thumb.”

Swamp Thing    ”Hello Eerie,  Of course I have a green thumb.  I have a green everything incase you haven’t noticed.”

Eerie    ”Yes What I meant is you–”

Swamp Thing    ”I know what you meant silly.  Don’t be so serious.”  She laughs.

Eerie    ”I heard you planted a garden, but I didn’t believe it until now.  What possessed you to plant flowers.”

Swamp Thing    ”Having all those decaying body parts around got too depressing.  I decided to brighten the place up.”

Eerie    ”You’ve certainly done that.  It’s… It’s, I don’t have words for it.”

Swamp Thing    ”That’s the nicest thing you’ve never said to me.”  She laughs herself to tears at her own joke.

Eerie    ”I’ve gotta run Swamp Thing. You keep up the beautiful work.  Come on Mischievous.  Let’s get out of here.”  Once out of earshot of the still laughing Swamp Thing.  “What is going on here?  It’s like the Stepford Swamp.  Or something from an HP Lovecraft story.”

MR      ”I’m as confused as you.  I don’t recommend drinking the water until we get to the bottom of this.”

Eerie    ”I hear you.  We need to sort this out.  If this keeps up The Swamp will be over run with tourists or worse people will want to move in.

MR       “No.  Not people.  Nothing lowers property values faster than people.”

Well folks as you can see we’re going to be busy until we find out what’s causing our neighbors to be nice all of a sudden.  Mischievous has selected a quote to leave you with.   I’ll see you next week.

“I have no faith in human perfectability. I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity. Man is now only more active – not more happy – nor more wise, than he was 6000 years ago.”Edgar Allan Poe

Write On,

Eerie

The Joy of Writing

Still hanging out here at the Monastery, I’m getting a little homesick for the Swamp though.  As I mentioned before, cell service is bad up here, and my cell carrier, Surprison’s slogan is “He hears me, he hears me not.”  They are the undisputed champs of dropped calls.  So I’ve sent Mischievous Raven back to gather some news.  I hope he stays away from C. Rock Adile.  Those two really don’t get on well.  When he and Mischievous get together it gets ugly fast.  Of course Wicked has her eye on a new set of

boots courtesy of CR’s hide.  Come to think of it not many folks around the The Swamp like CR at all.  I’m sure Mischievous will return soon with the goings on.

On the local front the Monks have been very busy in the wine cellar of late.  They seem very excited about something.  It will be difficult to beat last years bold red wine Exsanguinate The Halls.  It had a bloody nose and a delightful coppery aftertaste.  Last years holiday white was less successful, Infected Wound, it had a rancid nose and laid heavily on the palate.  The good news is with the Monks scurrying up and down the cellar steps we’ve had the place to ourselves.

My Muse and I are revisiting a story I started a while back and then set aside because we got caught up in the editing craze that was going around.  You may remember my post from Feb. 10. Editing.  Everybody’s doing it, doing it doing it.  I’m still working on submissions of my completed novel The Three Misfiteers.  I’m sure some intelligent, good-looking, industrious agent will want it for their portfolio soon.  In the mean time,  back to writing some original material.

This is always the most fun a writer can have.  First drafts (at least mine) are full of interesting characters with enchanting repartee.  Of corse much of that will have to go in the second draft because it is rife with mistakes, clichés, and misused words.  But when the characters get in my head and take the place over, its chaos at it’s most wonderful.  So I think I will cut our meeting a little short this week so I can get back to it.

This weeks quote comes from Joseph Conrad

“Of all the inanimate objects, of all men’s creations, books are the nearest to us for they contain our very thoughts, our ambitions, our indignations, our illusions, our fidelity to the truth, and our persistent leanings to error. But most of all they resemble us in their precious hold on life.”

Write On,

Eerie

Meanwhile Back at the Monastery

Greetings and Salutations Glorious Readers of the Blog,

As you can see Mischievous Raven and I have finally been granted entrance into the Monastery of the Werewolf Monks.  I know, right it’s pretty cool if you haven’t been before.  Let me show you around, Brother Lon will accompany us but he cannot talk, there is always a vow of silence after the full moon hunt.  Lead on Brother Lon.  This is the library and the thing the Monastery is most well-known for.  As you can see it is packed with books and scrolls going back thousands of years.  The best stuff is up ahead here.  Scholars from all over the world come here to study about the strange and sometimes horrible creatures that roam  the planet right under the noses of the unsuspecting general public.  This is where I did my research on Vampires.  They have an entire section on Vlad The Impaler.  Rumor has it that Vlad himself comes over to review the library from time to time.  You know of course he stays at the Dakota right off Central Park most of the year.  He does, I’m not kidding.  You should come back and spend some time here.  Libraries are the best places to meet interesting people.  Down those steps is where the wines are made.  You can only go there once a year when they turn out their new vintages.  They have a big tasting it’s a regular who’s who event, very A list.  The rest of the year it’s off-limits.  No, I’ve never been, I’m sure it’s a clerical over site.  That’s the chapel,  up here are the quarters for the monks.  The guest rooms are on the next couple floors.  Above that is the observatory where they plot the moon and star movements.  You can visit Brother Al up there after sundown and he’ll show you around.  You can even have a look through the peeper if you like.  Brother Lon is directing us toward the dining room.  It must be dinner time.  Go have a bite I’ll see you later.  I’m going to catch up my muse and go over a few things we wrote last week before he ditched me.

I just wrote a short piece which came right out of nowhere for me.  The strange thing about the story is, it has no dialogue.  That in itself isn’t strange, but it is strange for me.  I’ve been told that I have a gift for dialogue.  So to write a piece without a single spoken word for over 2,500 words was really odd for me.  It got me to thinking about what makes dialogue flow.  Now if I have a gift it is God-given and not something I learned, and my friends will tell you I was out to lunch when God was giving such gifts as Grammar, Spelling, Point of View, and Tenses, among other things.  But they seem to agree I do pretty decent dialogue.

This is what came to me,( totally my opinion here folks).  I thinks that when writing is flowing for me I’m in the characters head.  Almost like a movie is playing out the scene.  I hear what the character is saying and it comes out in his/her voice not mine.  And if I’m really there I hear the replies from whoever as if I am the character.  This makes the other voices authentic because they have to sound right to the POV character or I get pulled out of the scene.  When I struggle the most is when I’m not hearing what my character is hears.  This all sounds very WOO-WOO, but it’s the best way I describe what happens.  When I put myself in the scene and hear what is said I know if it sounds right or not.  One trick I use to help with this is I read my dialogue back out loud.  I’ll never be one who reads for audio books, but I try to put inflection in the speech.  In effect give the character a voice, not one I hear in my head but actually hear.  I am but a lowly scribbler and I don’t want this to sound like a lecture so I’m going to quit here.  If you have some thoughts on dialogue send me a comment.  And if you struggle with getting your characters to sound natural try hearing it, listen for the nuances.  As is our custom here at the swamp I’ll leave you with this appropriate quote.

When writing a novel a writer should create living people; not characters. A character is a caricature.

Ernest Hemingway 

Write On,

Eerie

SNARK HAS BEEN RETURNED NOW BACK TO WORK

Greetings and salutations loyal followers,

As you probably know by now we found the missing Snark at the Monastery of the Werewolf Monks.  She’s still recovering from drinking all the left over Exsanguinate The Holidays from the Monk’s special reserve.  It’s taken quite a toll on her. The last time I saw her she was in the throes of the DTs.  The good news is she’s in good hands, the Swamp Thing is nursing her back to her former glory and has agreed to counsel her on substance abuse.  The bad news is we lost my muse during the search.  Wicked thought he went for the whites but Mischievous said he was heading into the cellar for amontillado.  So Mischievous and I are going to take the shortcut back to Monastery through THE IMPENETRABLE FORREST and get my muse back.  

Wish us luck because you know there are many hazards to be encountered there.  Last time we ventured there we lost several members of our group to the Killer Koalas, and the time before that we were attacked by Pirahana Humming Birds.  I’ve never seen a Black Tiger, but they say they are most ferocious.   Vampire Tarantulas  drop from the trees and suck you dry.  However it is the only way to get to the Werewolf Monastery in half a day if you don’t drive.  Dwarves aren’t especially good drivers because our feet don’t touch the pedals and we can’t see over the steering wheel.  

Before we leave I need to share with you what I’ve been up to.  I backed off work just a bit and one night I carried a legal pad and pen to bed to make some notes on an idea.  Before you could say Rumplestiltskin I  had eleven hand written pages of a story.  This is what happens when your muse comes to work and your ready for him.  I’ve since started typing it into my Mac.  The message is clear.  If a writer you want to be, then ready you are, and do not flee.  

You’ve heard this before if you write; we don’t write because we can, but because we must.

One last thing I’d like to share, I heard a speaker this weekend who said that Fear and Love are mutually incompatible.  If you fear you cannot love.   And when you love you need not fear.  So fear not.  Go forth and love your fellows.     

This week’s quote comes from SELF-PORTRAIT by David White

“I want to know if you are willing to live, day by day with the consequence of love and the bitter unwanted passion of your sure defeat.  I’ve heard, in that fierce embrace, even the gods speak of God. 

Editing. Everybody’s doing it, doing it, doing it!

Greetings and Salutations once again from the swamp,

I’m speaking softly because some of us are still suffering from the aftermath of the party.  Thanks to everyone who sent messages of support for Mischievous.  He in particular is still not flying straight. He claims his bird-napping traumatized him.  I might have to send him for psychotherapy.  We’ll interview Mischievous next week, at that time we’ll get an exclusive on the details of his abduction and imprisonment.  Now onto to this weeks topic.

I’ve only just completed polishing the first fifty pages of my novel.  Thanks to the vertically challenged Evil Ones, I had much to consider.  Editing is like spring cleaning, no one wants to do it, but everyone feels better after they’ve put it behind them.  Elmore Leonard has ten rules for writing which can easily be applied to editing.  So I’m going to post them here because some things bear repeating.

WRITERS ON WRITING; Easy on the Adverbs, Exclamation Points and Especially Hooptedoodle
By ELMORE LEONARD

Published: July 16, 2001 in the NEW YORK TIMES

These are rules I’ve picked up along the way to help me remain invisible when I’m writing a book, to help me show rather than tell what’s taking place in the story. If you have a facility for language and imagery and the sound of your voice pleases you, invisibility is not what you are after, and you can skip the rules. Still, you might look them over.

1. Never open a book with weather.

If it’s only to create atmosphere, and not a character’s reaction to the weather, you don’t want to go on too long. The reader is apt to leaf ahead looking for people. There are exceptions. If you happen to be Barry Lopez, who has more ways to describe ice and snow than an Eskimo, you can do all the weather reporting you want.

2. Avoid prologues.

They can be annoying, especially a prologue following an introduction that comes after a foreword. But these are ordinarily found in nonfiction. A prologue in a novel is backstory, and you can drop it in anywhere you want.

There is a prologue in John Steinbeck’s ”Sweet Thursday,” but it’s O.K. because a character in the book makes the point of what my rules are all about. He says: ”I like a lot of talk in a book and I don’t like to have nobody tell me what the guy that’s talking looks like. I want to figure out what he looks like from the way he talks. . . . figure out what the guy’s thinking from what he says. I like some description but not too much of that. . . . Sometimes I want a book to break loose with a bunch of hooptedoodle. . . . Spin up some pretty words maybe or sing a little song with language. That’s nice. But I wish it was set aside so I don’t have to read it. I don’t want hooptedoodle to get mixed up with the story.”

3. Never use a verb other than ”said” to carry dialogue.

The line of dialogue belongs to the character; the verb is the writer sticking his nose in. But said is far less intrusive than grumbled, gasped, cautioned, lied. I once noticed Mary McCarthy ending a line of dialogue with ”she asseverated,” and had to stop reading to get the dictionary.

4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb ”said” . . .

. . . he admonished gravely. To use an adverb this way (or almost any way) is a mortal sin. The writer is now exposing himself in earnest, using a word that distracts and can interrupt the rhythm of the exchange. I have a character in one of my books tell how she used to write historical romances ”full of rape and adverbs.”

5. Keep your exclamation points under control.

You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose. If you have the knack of playing with exclaimers the way Tom Wolfe does, you can throw them in by the handful.

6. Never use the words ”suddenly” or ”all hell broke loose.”

This rule doesn’t require an explanation. I have noticed that writers who use ”suddenly” tend to exercise less control in the application of exclamation points.

7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.

Once you start spelling words in dialogue phonetically and loading the page with apostrophes, you won’t be able to stop. Notice the way Annie Proulx captures the flavor of Wyoming voices in her book of short stories ”Close Range.”

8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.

Which Steinbeck covered. In Ernest Hemingway’s ”Hills Like White Elephants” what do the ”American and the girl with him” look like? ”She had taken off her hat and put it on the table.” That’s the only reference to a physical description in the story, and yet we see the couple and know them by their tones of voice, with not one adverb in sight.

9. Don’t go into great detail describing places and things.

Unless you’re Margaret Atwood and can paint scenes with language or write landscapes in the style of Jim Harrison. But even if you’re good at it, you don’t want descriptions that bring the action, the flow of the story, to a standstill.

And finally:

10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

A rule that came to mind in 1983. Think of what you skip reading a novel: thick paragraphs of prose you can see have too many words in them. What the writer is doing, he’s writing, perpetrating hooptedoodle, perhaps taking another shot at the weather, or has gone into the character’s head, and the reader either knows what the guy’s thinking or doesn’t care. I’ll bet you don’t skip dialogue.

My most important rule is one that sums up the 10.

If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.

Or, if proper usage gets in the way, it may have to go. I can’t allow what we learned in English composition to disrupt the sound and rhythm of the narrative. It’s my attempt to remain invisible, not distract the reader from the story with obvious writing. (Joseph Conrad said something about words getting in the way of what you want to say.)

If I write in scenes and always from the point of view of a particular character — the one whose view best brings the scene to life — I’m able to concentrate on the voices of the characters telling you who they are and how they feel about what they see and what’s going on, and I’m nowhere in sight.

What Steinbeck did in ”Sweet Thursday” was title his chapters as an indication, though obscure, of what they cover. ”Whom the Gods Love They Drive Nuts” is one, ”Lousy Wednesday” another. The third chapter is titled ”Hooptedoodle 1” and the 38th chapter ”Hooptedoodle 2” as warnings to the reader, as if Steinbeck is saying: ”Here’s where you’ll see me taking flights of fancy with my writing, and it won’t get in the way of the story. Skip them if you want.”

”Sweet Thursday” came out in 1954, when I was just beginning to be published, and I’ve never forgotten that prologue.

Did I read the hooptedoodle chapters? Every word.

My personal favorite, # 10, “If proper usage gets in the way it may have to go.”  Mr. Leonard’s new book Back On The Case is in a store near you.  Be sure to check it out.

So now, I don’t feel worthy.  I may have to go through my novel again looking for those pesky adverbs, they’re like rabbits I tell you they multiply when you’re not looking.  Also searching for any all modifiers.  A writers work is never done.

I’ll see you all next week.  Until then I’ll leave you with this.

“Psychopaths… people who know the differences between right and wrong, but don’t give a shit. That’s what most of my characters are like.”
― Elmore Leonard

Write On,

Eerie

News On Mischievous Raven

I’m sorry if I’ve kept you all waiting.  The truth is I’ve been busy licking envelopes.  Maybe I should start at the beginning.  Last week I received a ransom letter.  I’ve included it here for you all to read for yourself.

AS YOU CAN SEE THE BIRD IS FINE.  FOR NOW!  IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THREE QUERY LETTERS IN THE MAIL AS OF FEBRUARY 3RD THE BIRD DIES.  THERE WILL BE NO MORE EXTENSIONS.  THE MATTER IS CLOSED.  UPON RECEIPT OF PROOF OF THAT THE AFORE MENTIONED LETTERS HAVE BEEN SENT WE WILL CONTACT YOU TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE SAFE RETURN OF THE BIRD.  WE ASSURE YOU NO FOWL PLAY HAS BEFALLEN HIM YET.
IF WE LEARN THAT THE AUTHORITIES HAVE BEEN CONTACTED YOU WILL NEVER SEE HIM ALIVE AGAIN.  WE CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
ONE LAST THING WE WANT THREE MISCHIEVOUS RAVEN HOODIES ONE LARGE TWO MEDIUM AT THE TIME OF THE TRANSFER.
YOURS,
THE THREE MISFITEERS

I know.  No one can believe it wasn’t C. Rock Adile.  So now you know why I wasn’t here on Friday.  I’ve got to go.  I’ve still got work to do this week.  In light of my predicament I’ll leave you with this quote from The Three Misfiteers.  This was in Frank’s fortune cookie.

“It takes a year to make a friend, but you can lose one in an hour.”

Write On,

Eerie