Here in the Swamp there are many things to be thankful for this year. Let’s begin, shall we?
I am thankful for…
…the Prankster Duo. Who else in my life would make me consider the deep, dark mysteries of the world with such scintillating conversation gambits such as:
“Mom, can I borrow Siri for a second?”
“I need to look up a word.”
Startled silence… “Why?”
“My friend said he did and it was ‘an explosive sensation from between his legs’.”
I try really hard not to hit my brakes and cause a five car pile-up as I try to find air to drag into my lungs. My precious 9 year old…oh dear…. “Um, honey, perhaps you should think of another definition.”
Right, how to answer this one without him thinking his mother is a pervert…oh wait…. “Okay, because that definition could be interpreted in a way you would find really gross. How about ‘explosive flatulence’?
“Hmm…okay…should I ask why it would gross me out?”
“It has to do with boys and girls…”
“Okay enough said, I’ll stick with ‘explosive flatulence’.”
…my knight-in-slightly-muddy-armor who has stayed beside me while Eerie’s Zombie’s have trashed our yard and the hellhound has seeded the same yard with many landmines. Not only has he braved that terror, but he has successfully save many an electronic devices from being tested for aerodynamic properties when they refuse to cooperate with me. Considering how often that temptation occurs, he’s my hero, because recovering drafts from broken pieces of plastic and wires is really hard!
…my hellhound, without whom my floors would not hold themselves down, but float away into oblivion. Only he could figure out the strategic points that will keep them grounded and still manage to be where ever I have to walk.
…Starbucks and the lovely baristas, because they have saved many an unsuspecting person from violent death while supplying me with my needed caffeine fix that makes sure all my edged accessories stay sheathed!
…Snarky and her bloody whip. Let’s be honest, without the combo of the two there’s no way I would have dredged up enough courage and armor to brave the pit of submission hell and finally, FINALLY got a contract!
…Eerie, Mischievous Raven and the herd of corpses that tend to trample my lawn. Not only has he obtained some seriously good wine from the Werewolf monks, but he shines forth humor in the darkest moments and that is truly priceless.
…Quirky for reminding me why cynicism is not always the best thing to use for protection. His ability to strip down situations to bare bones makes him invaluable to the Evil 7. Beside it’s fun to watch him squirm!
…Smokey and his fabulous recipes. However, I’m still not to sure about the octopus and whatever that was that one time in the Swamp where he and Eerie got together. Strange, but if you don’t tell me what it is, I won’t think about it! It’s nice to know that even if you can’t pronounce character names, you can cook!
…Jedi and her bravery. I mean, really, think about it. How brave would you be to walk into a steamy Swamp filled with gods-only-know-who, talk to the short. stumpy guy with the beady eyed raven trying to pry a zombie arm from the Swamp Thing while the Prankster Duo goes screaming by with some weird contraption spitting flame, while Snarky tries to hold back the horde parked outside her porch with a 12 foot whip? Really, our neighborhood doesn’t need a watch, more like napalm. We’re glad you survived the welcoming committee and decided to stay!
…BFF, Ang, because who else would dare take me to a move about a sparkling vampire who hatches kids from eggs and an alpha wolf that doesn’t kill for leadership and can’t pronounce his someday mate’s name, and then let me go Science Mystery Theater on it for two hours. She even held back the prepubescent horde armed with lip-gloss and sparkle and their mothers from trampling me under their keds. Only a BFF like that can be trusted at your back.
…to all of you for taking the time to follow along, even when the insanity that lives inside me spews outward!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!