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T’was the Night Before Christmas


Greetings and salutations, as you can see I’ve been trapped here in the bell tower  of the old Catholic church for a couple of weeks now.There is something unnerving about a choir of Zombies singing Christmas carols. There they go again.

“Have yourself a medulla oblongata.  Let’s eat something light.

Have you tried, the hippocampus?   it’s out of sight.

Have yourself a medulla oblongata. Make the yuletide gray.

From now on, We’ll just eat frontal lobes all day.”

There, you see what I mean. I can’t think with all that racket so, I’ll just leave you with this seasonal poem.

T’was the night before Christmas when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The shotguns were hung by the chimney with care,

For the undead horde that would soon be there.

The guard dogs were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of raw meat danced in their heads.

Mom and her uzi and I with my launcher,

Had just settled down to plan for the slaughter.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I jumped from the hummer to see what’s the matter.

On with my Kevlar I flew like a flash,

Turned on the search lights looking aghast.

The lights on the breast of the new fallen dead,

Gave luster of midday to zombies in red.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight zombie reindeer.

The driver was quick, his head wrapped in gauze,

I knew in a snap it was Zombie Clause.

More rapid than missles his coursers they came,

He grunted and slobbered, and called them by name.

“Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! now, Prancer! and Vixen,

On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen.

To the top of the porch and over barbed wire!

Now dash away! Dash away! Far from the fire!”

Above all the claymores and away from the moat,

They went higher and higher like some flying boat.

So up to the house top the reindeer they flew,

With a sleigh full of entrails, and Zombie Clause, too.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof,

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

I switched off the safety and pulled back the hammer,

Down the chimney came Zombie Clause with quite a clamor.

He was dressed all in fur from head to the floor,

And his clothes were all bloody and splattered with gore.

A bundle of severed limbs on his back,

He sat himself down to have a late snack.

His eyes—they were sunken, his flesh was so pale,

His nose was held on with a bright shiny nail.

The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,

As I pulled my new sword clear of its sheath.

He was rotten and putrid but looked quite surprised,

As I sliced off his arm and poked out his eyes.

He ran to the chimney forgetting his snack,

So I picked up my shotgun and gave him a whack.

Sticking a finger far up his nose,

Giving a nod up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the led from my pistol.

I heard Zombie moan, as he flew through the night,

Merry Christmas to all and have a good bite.

Have a the merry  Christmas,

Eerie, AKA dave benneman

Leave a comment

1 Comment

  1. gabrielle1111

     /  January 6, 2011

    This is awesome! Seriously. It deserves numerous cheers and 5 Thumbs-up Zombies. You should submit this to a horror poetry mag (does that exist?)

    Well done, Eerie. Well done. 😉

    Reply

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