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    Mondays ~
    Tuesdays ~ Snarky
    Wednesdays ~ Dreamer
    Thursdays ~ Naughty
    Fridays ~ Dreary
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    Sundays ~

    Whenever ~ Smokey, Mighty, Eerie and Wicked

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THE LIFE AND TIMES OF EERIE DWARF

 Today I’m going to answer the most frequently asked question when I’m interviewed and that is.  Why do I live in the swamp?  I’ve decided the easiest way to explain this, is to share an excerpt from my memoirs.

It was a bright, clear day and all the knights were suiting up for the main event.  Horses snickered in the stables as the pages prepared them for the trials ahead.  Smithys sweated into the forge making last-minute adjustments to armor and sharpening swords that would soon be called upon.  Eerie was trying to awaken his master form a drunken stupor when the trumpets sounded. In a flash of stupidity Eerie decided to save his master the indignity of not appearing for the joust, he would take his masters place.  Who would know with the helmet in place, plus he was a tall as any man on horseback.  (well almost)

The pennants snapped in the late afternoon breeze and smoke carried the aroma of grilled meats through Eerie’s ill-fitting helmet.  He sat astride his trusty steed and guided it into the arena. He’d seen this whole pageant played out countless times in the service of his master so he knew exactly what to do–and yet his hands were sweating like the scullery maids dish-rags.  The knights paraded in and lined up facing the royal box for the king’s blessing when the line of knights suddenly broke into uncharacteristic laughing.  They guffawed and pointed at the ground in front of Eerie’s mount.

He recognized the problem at last.  With the afternoon sun on their backs each knight cast a long shadow on the ground in front of them, all except for one.  Eerie’s shadow showed a riderless horse, he gulped in humiliation.  He didn’t sit as tall in the saddle as he ‘d hoped.
“Am I to joust a maiden sire?” the Red Knight of Glouchester shouted to his right.
Eerie lowered his lance with a threatening gesticulation and signaled the Red Knight to meet him on the field of honor.  The Red knight threw down his lance, drew his sword and pulling his horse about he charged at Eerie.
Eerie narrowly deflected the blow using his shield but the weight of the strike tumbled him from his horse.  Landing on his arse causing Eerie’s chest plate to slide up popping his helmet off.  With his head completely hidden from view he was unable to see.  In the moment of panic that ensued, Eerie flailed his arms about wildly.
The crowd gasped in disbelief seeing what they thought was a headless knight sitting in the middle of the arena apparently looking for his head.  Laughter poured forth drowning Eerie in mortification.  Scrambling to his feet he blindly fled the arena running right into the fat woman serving ham by the slice off the spit.  Regarding him a common prankster or worse a thief she thrust her knife at him.  For the second time that day Eerie was forced to defend himself.  He held up his right hand and was bled for the effort.  After receiving a dozen stitches at the barbers tent he was arrested a brought before the King.  For the crime of impersonating a noble he was exiled to live the rest of his days in the Swamp.  This was a serious sentence because a dwarfs life is very long.

This excerpt was taken from the LIFE and Times of EERIE DWARF.

We’ll close with a quote from Bob Dylans song ‘The Ballad of Frankie Lee and Judas Priest’

“The moral of this story, the moral of this song, is that one never be, where one does not belong”

Write On,

Eerie

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3 Comments

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