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    Mondays ~
    Tuesdays ~ Snarky
    Wednesdays ~ Dreamer
    Thursdays ~ Naughty
    Fridays ~ Dreary
    Saturdays ~
    Sundays ~

    Whenever ~ Smokey, Mighty, Eerie and Wicked

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Something’s a Foot

Friday, October 28, the entire swamp is alive with the prospect of All Hallows Eve.  The Zombies are chomping at the–well everything to be honest.  I head over to that expensive department store, Maelstrom’s for a costume. All I see are zombies, zombie banker, or zombie nurse, or zombie nun.  They even had zombie used car salesman, which honestly wasn’t much of a costume at all.  So I say, “Don’t you have anything besides zombies?”

“Sorry sir, but zombies are the in thing this year.”  She says in this perky little voice that makes me wish I’d asked Swamp Thing to come shopping with me.

“Tell me about it.  They’re my life.  You should see the swamp, it’s littered with half eaten corpses.”

“Excuse me!” she gasps.

“Nevermind.  I’m looking for something really scary.  Don’t you have something in a McDonalds fry boy or a Wal-Mart greeter.”

“Sorry.  Have you tried Saps Fifth Avenue?”  I heard they have a Personal Injury Attorney costume that is to die for.”

“That sounds scary, on so many levels.”  I thank her for her help and leave her perkiness and head over to Saps.  Of course they don’t have the Personal Injury Attorney in my size.

You should try the children’s section sir.  I mean your ahh, kind of, not so tall.”  The sales woman sniffs adjusting her jewel encrusted glasses so she can look down her beak-like nose at me.

“I beg your pardon.  I’m actually fairly average for a dwarf I’ll have you know.”  I continued to berate her until I noticed a group of large, uniformed men with weapons arriving on Segways.  “Thank you very much.  I’ll just be on my way now.”  

What happened to the good old days when you paid a decent witch for a temporary spell for All Hallows Eve.  She could turn you into a handsome prince, or king of the realm, for the night.  Even an enchanted frog if your funding was lacking.  No two costumes were alike back then.  These days everybody wants the store-bought costume that looks like every other one.  Of course on the down side, you had to watch out for the occasional enchanted candied apple.  Remember what happened to Sleeping Beauty.  

Still without a costume, I’m off the Sal Manella’s Sweet Shop.  Sal carries all the best treats for All Hallows Eve.  His selection of hand dipped fungi is legendary, not to mention the Chocolate Covered Squirrel Nuts.  What they lack in size they make up for in taste.  Sal can even provide you with one of the afore-mentioned apples on request.  Of course you have order them way in advance.  Just ask for the mother-in-law special.

Arriving at Sal’s I see the line is out the door.  Everyone is talking about the fried bat wings.  He has Barbed-a-cue, Sea Salt and Stinger, Sour Creme and Bunyan and Fromunda Cheese,  just to name a few of the flavors.

My favorite treats are the E-Coli Carmels.  He also has S&Ms and Feces Pieces in every color.  They’ve called my number, I’ve got to go.  So enjoy the holiday.  Until next week.

“My candle was nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half extinguished light, I saw the dull yellow eye of the creature open…”

Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

“Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble.”

Shakespeare, Macbeth

“As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today…Oh, how I wish he’d go away.”


Happy All Hallows Eve

Write On,


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1 Comment

  1. if you love Halloween then you probably have a pretty good chance of winning my competition! its just a bit of fancy dress fun 🙂


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