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Resumé For A Villainous Cost Accountant

Name: Sebastian Evillo Harkonnen-Lannister

Preferred Role: Cost Accountant, Sinister plans for world domination.

Secondary: Slytherin House, specializing in finance, poison.
Tertiary: Miskatonic Univ.


Married (1) Princess Fiona Naïve-Kingdom (of the Lancaster Naïve-Kingdoms). (By abduction). Two daughters: Vengeance Harkonnen-Lannister-Naïve-Kingdom (Bunty) and Vicious Harkonnen-Lannister-Naïve-Kingdom (Bubbles).
Married (2) Sinistress Witchberry. (Due to enchantment). One son: Chamfoster Cholmondley Harkonnen-Lannister. (Chuck).
Numerous illeg.


Galactic Empire:
Involved at a senior level in the planning for the Deathstar Imperial Planet-Buster. Achieved major savings related to the exhaust system for the hypermatter reactor. Ensured that the planned multiple exhaust vents with many convolutions were replaced by a single two-metre shaft. Savings from this alone permitted the construction of a new Imperial shuttle.

Retained by military organization to eliminate waste, feather-bedding among Orc armies. Discovered that an elite regiment had been retained to guard an active volcano in the heart of Mordor, in spite of no threat having been detected for five thousand years. Had them re-allocated on active duty, thus increasing numerical superiority over Gondorian army by 0.45%.

Lord Voldemort:
Part of the task force charged with choosing suitable Horcrux locations. The original plan involved using unobtrusive everyday objects buried without markers at widely varied locations. Found that this didn’t properly reflect the corporate identity and ensured that only items with proven customer recognition were used.

Professor Moriarty:
Previously, assassinations had been carried out using bombs, gangs of thugs, Gatling guns etc, etc. Found that use of an air rifle and single revolver bullets achieved similar ends with only minor reduction in effectiveness.

Adrian Veidt:

Mr Veidt had in place a long-term plan to achieve world peace via diplomacy, economic development and targetted bribery and blackmail. A detailed study showed that far quicker results would be achieved by murdering his former acquaintances and destroying New York with a giant psychic space squid. The reasoning used has become an industry classic, being part of the basic training of the Lexcorp accountancy department, and has supposedly been a key factor in convincing Doctors Fu Manchu, Doom and No that a scientific and engineering genius is far better served trying to take over the world than in designing products and selling them.


Professional Bodies:

As a member of the Villainous Speeches Planning Board, I have helped ensure that a healthy tradition of regaling captured heroes with a full explanation of all future plans remains a fundamental plank of evil activity. Retained tradition of black cloaks, glowing red eyes and made particular note of failure to ensure proper length of fingernails.

I feel assured that my experience and knowledge would make me a useful part of any despicable enterprise.

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