• Who We Are

  • Schedule

    Mondays ~
    Tuesdays ~ Snarky
    Wednesdays ~ Dreamer
    Thursdays ~ Naughty
    Fridays ~ Dreary
    Saturdays ~
    Sundays ~

    Whenever ~ Smokey, Mighty, Eerie and Wicked

  • Snarky’s Tweets

  • Kinetic’s Tweets

  • Dreamer’s Tweets

  • Wicked’s Tweets

  • Eerie’s Tweets

  • Mighty’s Tweets

Free Range Organic Zombies Abound

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Greetings and Salutations most reputable readers of the blog,

(deep, intimidating voice of announcer) Eerie’s message has been preempted for this important announcement from Dave Benneman.

If you are a returning visitor to The 7 Evil Dwarves blog site you are accustomed to the chaos the reigns supreme here. We are a critique group from various backgrounds and experiences. We started our joint blog several years ago on a whim. The idea is to keep fresh content up 7 days a week. The fly in the soup is of course that we have no rules. So on any given week you find discussions about honing the craft, or someone sharing a recent experience at a conference, or it may not be related to writing at all. Our content is as diverse as our group. I say this here to encourage you to keep coming back because I’m certain you will find something for you.

My day is Friday. On Fridays you will join Eerie Dwarf and his ragtag band of misfits on a variety of adventures. This is always written off the cuff with much tongue in cheek, strictly for entertainment. Friday is about getting in touch with the my creative brain and your inner child. I hope you get a an opportunity to laugh out loud at Eerie’s antics. It is all in fun.

Sunday is the day we update Swamp Tales, which is a round robin style story where each writer picks up where the last writer left off. It is total chaos with 7 different styles and voices all steering the story for a few paragraphs. Sometimes we will feature guests who want to toss in their two cents. To check it out, click on the Swamp Tales tab.

Because we are writers and insecure by nature please click like if something tickles you. If you’re really moved leave a comment. When you find yourself dumbstruck, tell your friends. If any of these things happens regularly you might want to become a follower. This is the only way we can learn what you like.

(Announcer, a little less intimidating this time) Now returning to the regularly scheduled programming, already in progress.

“I’m coming as fast as I can Mischievous, not all of us were born with wings you know.”

“Not only do you not have wings, you were short-changed in the leg department too. If I were you I’d hire C.Rock Adile to sue for Legligence.” Mischievous flies into a tree he’s laughing so hard. “Ouch, that smarts.”

“It serves you right for making fun of my stature.” Eerie looks up to see his guests have finally arrived. “Oh hello folks. Give us a few minutes there seems to problem with our herd of zombies.”

“Hurry, you can see the corral from here.” Mischievous hops up and down pointing.

Eerie stops in his tracks. “What happened here? Where are the Zombies?”

“I don’t know. They were here last night. This morning I found the gate unlocked.”

“This is terrible.”

“I know I have an order to ship tomorrow for The Walking Dead. Where am I going to get 25 Free Range Organic Zombies (registered Trademark) in time to ship tomorrow.”

“I think your missing the bigger picture. When did you feed them last?”

“Yesterday, why?”

“So we have how many hungry Zombies wandering around.”

“There were 97  yesterday.”

RESERVATIONS SUGGESTED

RESERVATIONS SUGGESTED

“This is bad. This really bad. Go check that new Zombie restaurant that opened last week. If they’re hungry, maybe we’ll catch them there.”

“And what do you propose I do if I find them. Now that they’ve tasted freedom, so to speak, I don’t think they’ll come back because I ask them nicely.”

“You keep an eye on them. I’ll gather the muses. If anyone can get them back in the cages it’s them. Now go. What are you waiting for.”

“Your not getting HER too, are you?” Mischievous’ voice shakes.

“Of course, if Wicked can spare her. Don’t worry, she was kidding about needing a new feather pillow.”

“Maybe the zombies will get the best of her, then I won’t have worry at all. Although I bet she’s too tough for our Free Range Organic Zombies taste.”

“Stop stalling, the sooner we get them back where they belong the better.” Mischievous alights in a rustle of ebony. “As you can see folks we’re kind of busy today. I’ll issue you all free passes to return next week. In the mean time, be careful on your way home. Zombies abound.”

As is our custom on Friday, I leave you with a quote. (some weeks it may be the only thing worth showing up for).

“Let’s do what you fear most
. That from which you recoil
, but which still makes your eyes moist”  Lou Reed

Write On,

Eerie Dwarf AKA Dave Benneman

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome to The Swamp

Greetings and Salutations Discerning Readers of the blog,

My sidekick Mischievous Raven said he would join today , but alas, he is either late or not coming. Not unlike his moniker, which he comes by honestly, I’m sure he’s up to no good wherever he is. I thought we’d take a moment and meet some of the other colorful residents of The Swamp. On the right where all the packing boxes are stacked up is the shack of Wicked Dwarf, (whispers conspiratorially) she moves often. I wouldn’t mention it to her though she’s sensitive about her gypsy blood. When she’s not packing or unpacking, she’s chasing down the Prankster Duo, keeping the Knight in Slightly Muddy Armor in check, or writing.

As Jami Gray her Kyn Chronicles will take you behind the curtain where you will discover your sharing the planet with some pretty foreboding creatures. And you thought it was all fairy tales. Shifters, Witches, Fey, and yes, even Demons are walking amongst us. (Even Demons, that’s kind of catchy. But I digress.) Not all of them are good sharers, and that’s where the trouble begins. Within this unsavory group there is an elite squad of Wraiths who police the Kyn community and keep us barely drooling humans safe. When her muse comes calling we generally clear out of the neighborhood. Mischievous is especially frightened of her.

A sudden rustle of wind and a flash of ebony. “Did I hear my name mentioned.”

Ahh, Mischievous, good of you to join us. We’re just doing a little tour.

“Is Her Deadliness here?” He points one quaking wing at Wicked’s door.

No, I don’t think so. Wicked is taking a short break. I’m sure her muse is off sharpening her knives and swords.

“Oh yes, one must keep the tools of the trade sharp, even if that trade is killing things.”

I’m sure you exaggerate.

“I think not, do you remember when she commented on what a lovely black feather boa I would make. Or that time on Troll mountain when she suggested raven stew for dinner.”

She’s probably teasing.

“Uh huh. and the pope wears a spinner beanie. When she teases you about making you less of a man, with that gleam in her eye, while she slides her finger along a shiny blade and then licks blood from the cut, (Mischievous takes a deep breath) Call me. I want to be there.”

Okay I get it. Relax. Say hi to our visitors.

“Hi, have any of you seen a cranky crocodile moping around?” Turning his head 180 degrees he looks back.

What have you done to C.Rock Adile, now?

“Someone had to shut him up. I was at the Slice your own Deli for breakfast and he was going on about how important he is, having worked for the crown and all that. You know what a blowhard he is.”

Yes, but you can’t expect the whole world to be quiet because you were hung over.

“It wasn’t even noon yet. Something had to done, so I slipped a laxative in his Swamp Juice. He suddenly had to go, and go, and go. Hahaha.”

I hope he doesn’t figure out what happened, for your sake.

“He’s always grouching at someone. Speaking of the Deli, today’s dinner special is Toad Tacos.”

We best go then you know how crowded it gets. I guess we’ll continue the tour nest week. Your welcome to join us at the deli for dinner. The Toad Tacos are one of their specialties.

If you’re looking for something to read this summer Check out www.Jami Gray.com

Shadows Edge Cover Shadows Moon CoverShadows Soul Cover

huntedbythepastSONY DSC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you have slogged through all this, may I direct your attention to the SWAMP TALES tab above. Each of the Evil 7 writes a piece of a story picking up where someone else left off.

This weeks quote comes from Jungleland, By Bruce Sringsteen

“And the poets down here
Don’t write nothing at all
They just stand back and let it all be”

Write On,

Eerie Dwarf AKA Dave Benneman

Chandler Klang Smith

Greetings and Salutations loyal readers of the blog.

If you were up early this morning looking for the Friday edition of Swamp News I apologize.  Things have gotten a little out of hand this week.  It seems my stable of Zombies went rogue this week.  Yes you heard it here first hundreds of Free Range Organic Zombies are on the loose.  That’s the good news.  The bad news is Mischievous Raven and I are being sued for orders of zombies we are unable to ship.  I’ve hired C.Rock Adile as our council to represent us.  He was the only reptile willing to take the case.  So needless to say things are beyond business as usual.

In our continuing effort to include some content on the craft of writing (and being too busy to write something myself) this week I’m reposting Chuck Sambuchino’s column 7 THINGS I’VE LEARNED SO FAR.  from Writer’s Digest March 20, 2013

Click on the link for giveaways and comments.http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/7-things-ive-learned-so-far-by-chandler-klang-smith?et_mid=610051&rid=149100502

Please say hello to Chandler Klang Smith whose wisdom far exceeds her years.

 

Goldenland-Past-Dark      Chandler-Klang-Smith

Chandler Klang Smith is a graduate of Bennington College and the 
Creative Writing MFA Program at Columbia University, where she 
received a Writing Fellowship. She lives in New York City. Her March
2013 novel GOLDENLAND PAST DARK is about a hostile stranger 
hunting a ramshackle travelling circus across 1960s America. Learn
more about the book here.

1. A novel is a kingdom that you alone can rule. As author, you have the divine right to do anything you want in your fiction, even over the objections of your most trusted advisors. But as they say, “Heavy is the head that wears the crown” – you aren’t without obligations to the work just because power over it is yours. To the contrary, you are both totally free to make whatever choices you please, but also totally responsible for the consequences. At times, no one else may be able to articulate what’s wrong or missing from your book, but that doesn’t mean that nothing is. You cannot sit complacent in your castle, relying only on the view from your balcony. You must spend time in the alleys and on the backroads, listening to the whispers of secret voices. You must know the people and landscapes of your private country better than anyone else does, or you’ll never properly reign over them.

2. A novel is the dark space under your bed. You know without looking that there are things in the shadows that scare you, things you don’t want to see. But it is your job as the novelist to shine the light past the dust bunnies and lost socks, into the teeth of the monster. In Mark Danielewski’s House of Leaves, he makes this darkness literal – his characters have to descend into a void that’s opened up in the center of their home. But even if your book doesn’t turn to horror, there will be questions you raise that you don’t want to answer, topics that come up that you wish to avoid. It’s a temptation to write around these things, and people do, but your fiction will never be amazing if it doesn’t face the fear and threat it generates head-on.

(Writing Critiques — how to deal with them.)

3. A novel is an undertaking for the writer, but also for the reader. I loved going to an MFA program, but one thing an MFA program does not prepare you for is the fact that, outside the context of a classroom, you are not entitled to have someone sit down and read your work thoroughly cover to cover just because you finished a draft. Your instinct may be to react with indignation when agents, editors, or even friends give your book a cursory read, or never reach the end. And sometimes it’s true that they’re simply lazy or overworked. But it’s important to remember that someone’s passionate attention, in art as in life, isn’t something you deserve just for showing up. It’s something you have to earn.

4. A novel is a house (not a storage shed). Novels seem roomy, with space enough for anything you can imagine, but if you’re a hoarder, no mansion will accommodate all your newspapers and cats. If writing a certain passage bores you, it will bore anyone who encounters it. Throw away the clutter, the parts that you would skip over as a reader. “But what if I need a transition to get me from point A to point B?” you may ask, at which point I’d direct you to the “Time Passes” section of To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. That passage takes a pedestrian narrative aim – marking the passage of ten years – and turns it into a breathtaking meditation on the nature of existence and mortality. Make every page of your novel a space worth lingering in.

5. A novel is a fractal. Though fractals might appear to be nothing more that random paisleys or swirling blobs of tie-dye, they are mathematically generated to be self-similar at every scale. That means that, as you zoom closer and closer in on a fractal image, you’ll see that the same pattern is constantly repeating itself everywhere, even at a level that’s invisible to the casual viewer. Novels should operate the same way: the obsessions of the book should assert themselves even in seemingly inconsequential scenes and details, in minor characters and metaphorical language. If an element is crucial to your conception of the work, it isn’t enough for it to come up once, at a dramatic turning point. It has to be present everywhere, all the time. The king of fractaled writing is Thomas Pynchon, whose novels often employ a host of wildly diverse characters and subplots but nonetheless continually return to the same focal elements: the animate vs. the inanimate in V., the parabola in Gravity’s Rainbow, boundaries that divide above from below in Mason & Dixon, etc.

(How to support authors and their book releases.)

6. A novel is a love letter. I don’t believe that thinking about “audience” in the traditional sense is helpful, at least not if your aims are artistic. Soft drink commercials are for a demographic; literature is for individuals. But I do believe that considering the individual you’re writing for – his knowledge, his concerns, his likely reactions – can help clarify what you’re doing on the page. Writing is an act of communication between humans. It’s not a transmission blared out into the void. If you think of yourself as writing your novel for someone who cares (either an actual person or a hypothetical ideal reader), in a sincere attempt to connect, you’ll be more generous, more truthful, more expansive in your vision.

7. A (finished) novel is just the beginning. When I finally completed the last edits on Goldenland Past Darkand sent it off to press, I felt many things, but one was a crushing sense of disappointment in myself – not because I thought the book was bad, but because the whole process taught me so many new things about writing that I’m only just starting to put to good use. “I should have waited to publish,” I thought, “until I knew what I know now.” Then it occurred to me that if I continue to grow and develop as a novelist, I’m going to feel this way at the end of every project for the rest of my life. I don’t know if that’s a depressing or hopeful thought to end on… I’ll leave it to you to decide.

This weeks quotation comes from Bruce Springsteen’s ThunderRoad.

“There were ghosts in the eyes
Of all the boys you sent away
They haunt this dusty beach road
In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets”

Write On,

Eerie Dwarf

 

A WRITER’S WORK IS NEVER DONE

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Greetings and Salutations loyal readers of the blog,

Since we are all here, it’s safe to say that we made it through the Impenetrable Forest without too many incidents.  Just before we set off with all our gear in place, Mischievous Raven suggested we take some of our Free Range, Organic Zombies (Trade marked) with us.  I laughed at the idea of the zombies as protection, but once again Mischievous proved to be resourceful.  As it turned out the zombies provided us with a sort of extra camouflage.  The rancid odor of rotting flesh hid us from the creatures in the forest who rely on smell to hunt.  The biggest threat came when a flock of Piranha Hummingbirds swarmed in.  They were content to pick clean the bones of our zombie escort until they could barely fly.  We are down three dozen zombies and I don’t know how we’re going to get back yet.  I’m sure Mischievous has something under his onyx wing.

In other news around The Swamp, C. Rock Adile came out of hiding just long enough to learn that Swamp Thing has not forgotten his prediction of the end of the world based on the Myan calendar.  The last time I saw him he was swimming for all he’s worth, closely followed by Swamp Thing who was leaving quite a wake of her own.  It’s been pretty quiet other than that.  The rest of the Evil Seven all have their noses firmly against the grindstone.  That also helps to keep the muses out of trouble as their services are being pressed into action as well.

I’ll fill you in on my interviews with the ghosts next week.  Let’s get down to work shall we?

I attended The second annual Indie Author Publishing Conference and Pitchapalooza last week.  The event was put together by the folks at Changing Hands Book Store and The Phoenix Public Library.  I was overwhelmed with the amount of great content that was presented.  How to pitch your book presided over by David Henry Sterry and his beautiful wife Arielle Eckstut, was my favorite.  They are very optimistic about the future of publishing, and they said, this is the best time ever to be an author.  (Or something to that effect.)

Building your web presence, orchestrated by Evo Terra and his not quite as beautiful business partner Jeff Moriarty, is a close second.  Their energetic presentation was engaging and fun.  (Plus Jeff called me a genius because I use Srcivener to write and edit my work)

Here is the biggest thing I learned at the conference.  Drum roll please.  If you’ve completed your novel, your work has only just begun.  As it turns out literary agents and publishers are not going to come hammering on my front door and start a bidding war to publish my novel.  Okay even I’m not that foolish.  What I actually thought was, getting published is a mixture of  perseverance and luck.  The truth is, as in everything else I’ve ever applied myself to, luck is a direct result of hard work.

When I was much younger, I said to guy who had just sold his company for a lot of money,  “You’re lucky.”  He replied, “Yeah, the harder I work the luckier I get.”  I’ve never forgotten that.  And so now I’m lacing up my work boots.  It’s going to get ugly because the things I have to do are things I’m not comfortable doing.  The issue here is, my characters have the right to be heard and it’s up to me to give them that opportunity.

Thanks one and all for stopping by, as is our custom here on Fridays I’ll leave you with a quotation.  This one comes from, Ursala K. Guin.

“The unread story is not a story; it is little black marks on wood pulp.  The reader, reading it, makes it live: a live thing, a story.”

Write On,

Eerie Dwarf

EVERYONE IS ALL A FLUTTER

Greetings and Salutations loyal readers of the blog,

How about that Kevin Hearn.  I even the zombie horde stopped shambling around to give him quiet.  Of course it helped that C.Rock Adile has entered the Swamp Thing protection program, because everyone knows how obnoxious he can be.

Let’s get back to Kevin shall we?  What a classy guy. Taking time out to visit us and plug another up and coming author. I can’t wait to see Jason Hough on the shelves.  This may sound a little fanboyish, but I too have the figure of Ganesha in my writing cave.  I mean how cool is that.  I learned about Ganesha on my recent trip to Indonesia.

In other news around the kingdom I heard the trolls are getting restless up on their mountain retreat.  I’ve called in the muses to go and check it out.  They should have some news by next week.  There’s Mischievous Raven.

“Hey Mischievous, come over and say hi to your fans.”  Mischievous turns his head and leaps into the air.  One lonely ebony feather sashays to the ground at my feet.

He’s still not talking to me because Kevin Hearn was here and I didn’t get his Iron Druid collection signed.  Sometimes he can be so self-centered.  So where was I, oh yes talking about me I believe.

Oh yeah, the news.  A big shout out to Dreamer Dwarf who is feeling a little under the weather, we hope she gets well soon.  It seems the Hellhound, Jojo and Jasmine have a little Menage a Trios going.  What a lucky Hellhound.  I have word that the Werewolf Monks are getting ready to un-vail a new wine, it should be ready for the first full moon of the new year.  Everyone’s very excited to try it.  As you know they maintain a very high standard for all the monastery wines.  My fav is still Exsanguinate the Holidays.  It’s a full-bodied dry red with a coppery finish.  I see Snarky’s  whip gleaming in the distance so I’d better wrap this up and as always I’ve got a wrap it quote.

“Focus on character and let your plots flow from them.” Kevin Hearn

Write On,

Eerie 

 

Merry Christmas

Greetings and salutations readers of the Evil Blog,

We’ll get to where I’ve been when I return next week.  I have all my excuses lined up, but for today I wanted to repost my version of a Christmas classic.  I hope your holiday is everything you hoped it would be.  But because we get our expectations so high, especially this time of the year, be accepting of what comes your way and most of all LOVE each other. See you all on Friday.

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

T’was the night before Christmas when all through our shelter,

Not a creature was stirring, not even the smelter.

The mac-tens were hung by the chimney with care,

For the undead horde that would soon be there.

The guard dogs were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of raw meat danced in their heads.

Mom and her uzi and I with my launcher,

Had just settled down to plan for the slaughter.

When out on the lawn there arose such a racket,

I leaped from the bunker and put my jacket.

Grabbing my Kevlar I flew like a flash,

Turned on the search lights looking aghast.

The lights on the breast of the new fallen dead,

Gave luster of midday to zombies in red.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight zombie reindeer.

The driver was quick, his head wrapped in gauze,

I knew in a snap it was Zombie Clause.

More rapid than missiles his coursers they came,

He grunted and slobbered, and called them by name.

“Now, Femur! Now, Sacrum! now, Kidney! and Bicep,

On, Liver! On, Stomach! On, Colon and Tricep.

To the top of the porch and over barbed wire!

Now dash away! Dash away! Far from the fire!”

Above all the landmines and away from the moat,

They went higher and higher like some flying boat.

So up to the lookout the reindeer they flew,

With a sleigh full of entrails, and Zombie Clause, too.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof,

The prancing and pawing of each rotting hoof.

I switched off the safety and pulled back the hammer,

Down the chimney came Zombie Clause with quite a clamor.

He was dressed all in fur from head to the floor,

And his clothes were all bloody and splattered with gore.

A bundle of severed limbs on his back,

He sat himself down to have a late snack.

His eyes—they were sunken, his flesh was so pale,

His nose was held on with a bright shiny nail.

The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth,

As I pulled my new sword clear of its sheath.

He was rotten and putrid but looked quite surprised,

As I sliced off his arm and poked out his eyes.

He ran to the chimney forgetting his snack,

So I picked up my shotgun and gave him a whack.

Sticking a finger far up his nose,

Giving a nod up the chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the led from my pistol.

I heard Zombie moan, as he flew through the night,

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good bite.

To You and Yours,

Have a Scary Christmas and a Happy Ghoul Year

Eerie,  Mischievous and the whole crowd at the swamp

AND I’M OUTTA HERE.

Greetings and salutations loyal readers of the blog,

I hope you all enjoyed the festivities at the Monastery of the Werewolf Monks last week.  If anyone knows how to celebrate a Blue Moon better than they do, I haven’t met them.  And how about the new wine they introduced, the new red had a muted coppery taste with a smooth finish and notes of entrails.  I didn’t think the white was up to par with their Oozing Puss label.  I had a good time and I hope none of my blog followers got caught in the ensuing hunt.  The Werewolf Monks can be a bit brutal during the full moon.  Still, no one parties like they do.

Your humble servant is packing for a lengthy trip outside the realm.  I’ll be gone for three weeks and already am feeling nervous about what might happen in my absence.  You may remember I had to bail my muse out of the slammer just last week.  Left to his own devices he’ll be on bender before my donkey gets clear of The Swamp.  G Anna Conda has returned from her on location shoot with National Geographic, so I asked her watch over my muse while I’m gone.  If anybody can keep him under wraps for three weeks it’s Anna.  I hope for his sake she’s had her big meal for the month or he may find himself  on the menu.

C. Rock Adile has taken to dominating open mic night on Thursdays at Slice Your Own Deli.  Rumor has it he reads from his memoirs all night. This in turn is driving away the Thursday night crowd, even the zombies are leaving.  You know it must be awful if the undead are shuffling away from the all you can eat brains buffet.

My friend and confidant, Mischievous Raven has been on the road taking orders for Blue Moon Zombie Inc, but he’s returning tonight so we can review some of the things he’ll be taking over while I’m gone.  I can’t wait to see him I’ve missed him these last few weeks.  He has an idea for taking the zombies up to Troll mountain.  According to Mischievous we would have the only Zombie Trolls.  Trolls are nasty enough without the added craving of raw, warm, flesh.  I’m not sure this is a good idea, but I’ll hear him out, mostly because you can’t shut him up.

In other news the Wharf Rats are packing up, it appears they had a successful convention this year and said they would mention it to their city dwelling friends.  I’m not sure The Swamp is ready for thousands of rats descending on it from the likes of New York, Chicago, and Philadelphia.

The leeches are still trying to sway public opinion as to their inherent goodness, but once again nobody cares.  Once a blood sucking leech always a blood sucking leech seems to be the public’s disposition on the matter.

Last week I think I promised we would talk about writing this week and we didn’t.  To be honest I have a case of vacationitis, so you’ll have to forgive me.  The next three weeks will be all about writing because I’ve recycled some of my old blogs.  So if you stop by for the stimulating literary conversation, quite frankly you made a wrong turn.  If, on the other hand, you come by so you can wriggle your toes in warm swamp mud and hear about my neighbors you’re in the right place.   I will leave you with an excerpt from a poem about writing, by the ubiquitous Charles Bukowski.

It’s from a poem titled  Neither Shakespeare nor Micky Spillane.

and you heard the angry cop curse in the 

dark

as you were led away.

all you wanted was 2 and a half or five cents word.

son of a bitch, you ached so hard to be a writer

of any kind.

why didn’t they understand?

Write On,

Eerie Dwarf

BLUE MOON

Greetings and Salutations loyal readers of the blog.

Today let’s catch up on the goings on around the Swamp.  Blue Moon Zombie Inc. is doing great since I made Mischievous VP in charge of marketing.  I’ve had to hire the Swamp Thing to help keep the zombies on a strict organic diet.  The problem with letting them free range is you never know what they’re getting into.   But the FDA gets fussy if you advertise free range totally organic zombies and your zombies get into hazardous waste.  The Swamp Thing has a way about her that will keep them in line.  I think it’s her nasty disposition and proclivity toward a violent solution to any problem.  She negotiated a very tough contract with good compensation and a heck of a benefits package, but who’s going argue with her.

You may recall from two weeks ago the leeches went on strike, because of what they said was inflammatory and prejudice remarks about them in the media.  Nobody seems to care except the Wharf Rats who are in town on some kind of convention.  Apparently they use the leeches in some game or other.  There are some leeches crossing the picket lines and the occasional skirmish breaks out.  There hasn’t been too much blood shed yet.  I guess that makes them scabs.  I wonder how they feel about them politically incorrect apples.

I heard the Knights of the Idiotic Table had to shut down The Swamp Shack this week because the muses got out of hand.  My muse is being held for conduct not becoming a muse.  Because we are in the midst of the lazy days of summer in the Swamp, the Evil Seven haven’t been keeping their respective muses very busy, I’m afraid.   If  C. Rock Adile  will open the bail bond office I bail out my muse when we’re finished here.  I’ll have to put his Armoured Hummer up for collateral.

In other news around the swamp today we will see a Blue Moon.  You heard me correctly.  This very night when the moon hits its full splendor it will be the second time this month.  This will be your last time to see a Blue Moon until 2015.  According to Brother Grey Whiskers, at the Monastery of the Werewolf Monks, Blue Moons are not that rare, occurring every 2.7 years on average.  But I can tell you that it is still very much a celebration at the Monastery today with The Marcels song Blue Moon playing over and over again while the monks prepare for an evening of decadent excess.  Brother Grey Whiskers told me the last time they had a Blue Moon celebration was in December of 2009.  He added that years with two Blue Moons are truly rare and the last time it happened was in 1999.

“Now that was an event not to be missed,” He smiled wistfully.  “We partied like it was, well…1999.”

The next double Blue Moon will happen in 2018, stick around. I’ve been promised back stage passes to the festivities at The Monastery.

Next week we’ll get back to talking about writing again.  Promise.  Right now I have to go bail out my muse. He and I have to get ready for November.  What is so special about November you ask.  It is the month where writers from across the universe go nuts and write fifty-thousand words in one month.  It seems I’ve been coerced, compelled, threatened, cajoled, pushed, dragged, pressured, forced, bullied, browbeat, railroaded, and dragooned into participating this year.  Did I mention against my will and better judgement.

Snarky Dwarf’s whip was freshly polished and just waiting for some excuse as to why I can’t Nano again this year.  In spite of the shiny black leather whip winking at me from across the table I tried.   My dog ate my laptop, crack, I have temporary amnesia, crack, Mars is in retrograde, crack, the world is going to end in December 2012 crack, Starbucks might run out of espresso (short hesitation then) crack crack.

“The second one was for even suggesting such a catastrophic thing could even happen.”  Snarky glared.

Wicked sat next to me Merrily Tumbling along as the whole scene played out.  “Psst. Quit while you still have a head.”

“So, Nano it is.” I said cheerfully, while licking my wounds.

Next week we’ll talk about how adverbs and adjectives can be your friend during November. CRACK!

That one is really going to hurt tomorrow.

Enjoy tonight’s Blue Moon and stay clear of the Monastery until dawn.  This week I’ll leave you with a verse from Nights In White Satin written by Justin Hayward of The Moody Blues.

Cold hearted orb
That rules the night
Removes the colours
From our sight
Red is gray and 
Yellow white
But we decide
Which is right 
And 
Which is an Illusion

Write On,

Eerie Dwarf

Challenged Accepted…

Yes, that’s right I have been challenged by lovely and talented Liv Rancourt who’s nominated me for One Lovely Blog award. This time around the object of the game is to list seven things about yourself, then nominate other bloggers for the award.  Liv’s list of 7 was her 7 all-time favorite vamp novels (which if you know her, is not a surprise).

Now that it’s my turn, I have to admit that deciding which list of 7 to post was tough.  There are so many to choose from–Urban Fantasy series, All-Time Fav Music, my Fav movies that make you think, you see how long the list can be?  Since October is coming and for some odd reason Knight in Slightly Muddy Armor has been obsessed with firearms, I decided to go with My Top Seven Weapon Choices for the Impending Zombie Apocalypse!

So don your Kevlar, add your war paint, it’s time to get down to business of putting those Zombies in their place (or places as the case may be!)

First up, since I’m a blade woman is the updated version of a katana, the Apokatana found at Zombie Tools. This tactical version of a tried and true blade has a stronger spine than the traditional katana.  With a lethal 28 inches you can be sure to keep those corpse shamblers at arm’s length while taking their heads off!

My second blade of choice would be the Machete.  I don’t care which one you grab, just make it a good one.  This is a great weapon for those who didn’t have the time to study martial arts before the dead rose.  Not only good for carving your way through the moaning hoards of cannibals stumbling towards you, it can also help you slash your way through heavy foliage to help speed your getaway.

Now on to my third weapon of choice.  This one Knight in Slightly Muddy Armor highly recommends and has even offered to pick it up for our anniversary. The Benelli M4.  This gas-operated shotgun is great for us smaller peeps who don’t want to find ourselves sitting on our butts after firing. This way we can keep our feet and take out as many Zombies as possible.

Now, if you have the Apokatana and the Benelli you may find yourself unable to take on any more weapons, but I disagree.  Now my choice for weapon number four is certain dependant on individual preferences but no matter what you choose a small firearm is needed for those tighter situations where you just don’t have time to pull out the big guns.  We’re a Sig Sauer type family, so we’d lean towards the Sig Sauer P226, not just because SEALs tend to like this gun, but come on, it’s dependable no matter the environment.  When the apocalypse hits, there will be more than the environment to worry about!

Choice number five is not only practical but looks totally cool! This is Cold Steel’s Trench Hawk.  It’s a great weapon for tight spaces, plus you can also chop up downed power poles and abandoned houses for firewood!

Up in sixth place are those items you can use that you already own.  Most of us just don’t have the time to stock up on a plethora of firearms, so if the Zombies are knocking, just look around your kitchen.  A butcher knife, a rolling-pin, a solid candlestick, that cast iron skillet, even that hammer you shoved in the junk drawer.  They’ll all work and don’t require years of training to use effectively.  A little messy, but when you’re in the kitchen, messes happen!

And last but not least because no matter the quality of your accessories you must look good while taking out the undead.  Some will prefer the camo look, others leathers, and still others will cross styles. Now if you’re in the hotter climes leather may be out. It can get sticky, but if you haven’t been able to round-up some Kevlar, you really need to make sure your clothing can take a beating, weather the blood and brains they’ll encounter each day, and may even double as weapons.  I’d mention stiletto heels, but everyone knows you can’t run in those things.

I’m sure I’ve missed some, but what would you put up for your list of favorite 7’s?

And because I like to share the love, here are seven bloggers who I’m tagging for the next round of the One Lovely Blog award:

  1. Amber Kallyn
  2. Mona Karel
  3. Rachel Firasek
  4. Michelle Miles
  5. Adriana Ryan
  6. Empi Baryeh
  7. Ciara Knight

Share the love and give them a moment by checking out their blogs!

Storyboarding: Urban Fantasy

Okay I’m cheating this week. Instead of talking at you, I’m going to share with you.  I had the opportunity to actually sit down and enjoy a whole hour of uninterrupted time which meant I got to actually watch this entire video.  This is the first episode of Geek and Sundry’s Story Board that aired Tuesday, 8/7/12.  They got Jim Butcher (rockin’ author of the Dresden Files), Diana Rowland (on my to-read list for White Trash Zombie), Emma Bull (one of the first to be identified as an Urban Fantasy author) and Patrick Rothfuss (major master of the beard here!) all chatting about Urban Fantasy-what makes a story Urban Fantasy and how UF authors create their worlds and characters.

Whether you’re an established writer or new to the game, I hope you enjoy this as much as I did!

 

In case the video link doesn’t work, here’s the direct link:

Story Board Episode 1: Urban Fantasy: Threat or Menace?

–Wicked

 

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